Thursday, September 18, 2008

On Testing for Cancer:

I have been going back and forth to the hospital all week for my yearly cancer screening tests. They are spread over days instead of lumped together because I have allergies and need recovery time between them.

I have been headachy, rashy, tired and ill-mannered. In total I have been miserable. Poked, prodded, pinched and radiated. None of these tests are new to me. And I have been trying to have a brave face. But I am tired of the hassle.

Yes, I want to know if the cancer has come back, catch it early and all that. But I long for my old life of innocence back. You know the days of when seeing the doctor meant a physical in the office or the occasional booster shot. It took me years to stop having the urge to strip from the waist up when meeting someone new, because for so many months of treatment every new face had me do just that.

I wanted to enjoy the start of autumn in wide eyed innocence like a child this I strive to do every year instead I was sitting at the hospital, getting sick by the way, and being tortured. (And not in a good way. Ha, ha.) It's hard to have a good outlook when you're sick.

So here I am with swollen glands, bleary eyes, and a runny nose getting ready for yet another test. All I want to do is go back to bed. But I look at the bright spot. This is the last one for a while. I blow my nose and get dressed saying, “Next week will still be here to enjoy autumn in. I hope it doesn’t rain too much.”

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