Wednesday, November 26, 2014

And Then It Snowed Charlie Brown

Still sick but feeling some what better.

Snow for today 4 to 8 inches.  More, less?  I'm still staying inside this time around.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Today I'll rest.  Do a little decorating for tomorrow.

And dream up replacements, for the things I didn't shop for because I was sick, that were suppose to grace the table.

Let me see...

Apple Crumble for the Pumpkin Pie.

Cranberry Tea instead of Cranberry Sauce (Gotta have those Cranberries in there.)

Bread Pudding instead of Dressing.  (Grandma always made her bread pudding out of stale cake.  And I'm still too tired to bake bread from scratch.  I don't have one of those bread machine things.  And we're out of bread.)

And the rest I still have to figure out.

Thankful anyway.  We're gonna' have a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving around here this year.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Getting Colder. Warmer? Colder!

So we went to the doctor/clinic.

Mountain Man has a cold.

I have a sinus infection (Again!) and strep throat.  On with the meds.

How does he do that.  He so rarely gets sick.  And never as bad as I do.

Anyway I'm to bed.

Tissues?  Check!

Book?  Check!

Knitting?  Check!

Nook?  Check!  (Youtube music and solitair.)

Mug of soup?  Check!  (Black bean. Yum!)

See you when I can think straight again.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Time Slides Sickwise

Is it me or time itself sliding sideways?

I just can't get a hold of it these days.

Holiday prep, hunting season about to start for Mountain Man, being sick, and new patterns in both of our lives with the seasons changing.  (Winter coming early again this year.)

In truth I'm not the only one around here having trouble with time.

The pets are still fighting the time change with the daylight savings time change.  Its now a demand for two feedings an hour apart.

Mountain Man keeps on asking me 'What day is it?' to the point that I just point to the calendar to the first day with no 'X' through it every time he gets a quizzical look on his face.

Mountain Man and I have been fighting a head cold kind of thing that won't quit and changes from day to day.  One day nose, next throat, after that nose again, then ears, and on and on.  If its Tuesday, I must need throat lozenges, kind of thing.  But its Monday and my head is all stuffy and my eyes keep on watering and its hard to see what I'm doing.  (Blink, blink.)  Where did I leave those blasted tissues again?

Time does take on a strange quality when one is sick.  Its a good thing we are not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or having anyone here this year.  This years plan is for a quiet, low key holiday and I think we need it.

And if this sick thing doesn't improve by the weekend.  Mountain Man is going to have to miss the first day of deer hunting season next monday.  I'm not letting him out with a gun in the woods if he's been feeling anything like I have for the last few days.  He'd trip on a tree and shoot himself in the back.

How can a teeny tiny little germ you can't even see lay one so low, and make one so stupid all of a sudden?

I keep on getting out of bed and doing my daily thing because its not that bad of a head cold, no fever or anything.  But still the time keep on slipping sickwises.

It just might be time to call the doctor.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Mind Slip

Sorry I didn't post yesterday.  It slipped my mind.

I went to the computer completely ready, willing and able to blog.  But I started with reading other peoples postings... and the dog needed to go out first... and the cat fell a sleep on the window sill and fell off...  And we laughed until we cried because she didn't get hurt just insulted.

And I walked away to start my day thinking I was done, but I didn't get back to my blogging.

So I'll start a new streak of daily blogging today.

I hope you have something to laugh about in your day too.  We are still laughing about that silly cat.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

More like a Moth

I have to say that I am sorry to anyone that had a troubling time with my little breakdown.  I had a need that was not being filled in any other way so I came to my Gothy cyber friends.  Some wonderful people came to my aid.  (I thank them with all I have to give in my humble heart.)  I am bruised and dusty but I will get up and move on.

You’d have thought I wouldn’t need people like those in my family in my life and I’d be happy to be well rid of them.  But I kept on telling myself that they are family and diluting myself that in being family it would eventually work out to the good.

In total it is not as bad as when I lost my son in a car accident fifteen years ago. That this loss of unsupportive harpies would not compare, but in some ways I think it made the loss worse.   They knew I had been through the hell fire of loss already and they chose to be cruel anyway.  Conspired to be.  I was still fragile where family funerals were concerned and that was when they chose to strike.

Enter helpful Gothy cyber friends:
So after a few cyber hugs my Gothy heart was restarted and I unfolded my rumple wings like a moth from a cocoon.

I am not a phoenix.  I didn’t rise triumphant from the ashes.   But I do rise with the help of others who are stronger than me at the moment or if not strong physically, they are understanding and giving which is a different kind of strength.  

I will, no doubt, hover too close to persons who will cause me pain once again.  It is part of relationships to have some conflict and to grow from the experience.

I also know that I am not totally healed yet.  That will take a bit more time.

All in all I am better off without those family members in my life.  No one needs a pack of mean vindictive people hanging around them.  It sours everything that is good.  It was the loss of hope that broke me.  Hope that some day true acceptance would come about.  False hope to be sure.

But hope is the candle in the dark.  The flame to which we flit.  It keeps us alive to live another day.  It lights our dreams.

Today I am a moth.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Is anybody there?

I know that my finding out that I'm old is not all that interesting to you.

But it was an earth shattering moment for me.

And it will happen to you someday, time willing.

I know that you don't really want to hear it.  But it will.

I'm not a mirror person.

Oh I have mirrors.  Lots of them in every room of the house.  Placed mainly to move light around, create the illusion of space, or make a point of interest.

I just don't look at my reflection.

I don't interest me, I guess.

I'll look to see if my clothing is right.  If there is a smudge on my face, or my hair is straight.

(I don't do makeup daily.  Only when I go out to an event.)

So surprise, surprise!  I got old when I wasn't looking.

Now I have to face time and its aging process.

I've looked the Grim Reaper in the face a few times already.

I think that I didn't believe I'd get this far.

But here I am.

Feeling alone, lost and asking for help.

With no extended family support any longer and no local Goth community to go to, where can this old Goth go for support, comfort and friendship but the Goth family she has adopted as her own on the web.

But at the moment I'm feeling a bit like the hot potato that hit the floor and got all smashed so nobody wants it any longer.

I am sorry if I'm talking about something you can't relate to or would rather avoid.  But at the moment I need to know that someone out there still wants me around a while longer.  My family doesn't.

Is it time for me to just fade away?  Stop blogging?   Crawl in a corner and die?

No, I'm not suicidal.  Just a little tired of rejection.  And sitting in a room full of people all talking and laughing with each other and finding myself alone again, shunted off into a corner, just left me feel sad yesterday.

The center is great fun when there is an activity but a very lonely place when you have no friends there.  The wait between class's can be tiring when you're being systematically ignored again for being the strange one in the room.

If I'm not useful here, I'll go away.  No one likes listening to ever expanding silence when they've shown a need for a hug.

A little hug, Please?

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

In a Questionable Mood

Okay I'll admit it.  I've been in a mood.

I had hoped it would break or dissolve away and I could get on with life.

But it didn't and I'll have to learn to adjust I guess.

I joined a Senior Center.  Yes, one of those places for old farts to park for the day because they have no where else to go to get out of the house.

But its not like that really.  Its more like a club where we all the members remember where we were when JFK died.

I'll admit that my Gothy self is a bit shy of the place.  Sunny and bright, busy and festive, games and lots of things to do.  All types of exercise classes and dancing too.

For a mere five dollars a year I get to miss the odd looks at the college gym as I trudged off to yoga class that cost me eight dollars a session with young things that can make their bodys do the most...  You get the picture.

So I switched.  I'm now with my own set....   What!!!!!

So I'm old.  Wrinkly...  A S-e-n-i-o-r C-i-t-i-z-e-n.

The trouble is I don't feel old.  I feel the same.

I may not want to hang out with teenagers all the time, but I don't feel like I need to be cast off just yet.

When did this getting old thing happen to me?  Well, to tell the truth, years ago.

I couldn't stop it.

The days just kept on going by.

I've been eligible for some time now.  I fought it.

'Not for me.'  I said.  'Not a place for gothy types.'  'Too happy in a very sad sort of way.'  'It has bingo.'  (Enough said.)

I go at least once a week now.  Belly dancing, Tai chi, group jigsaw puzzles, crafting groups, knitting/crochet groups, line dancing, aerobics...  The list goes on.

Some people still stare.  But the comments now are more likely to be 'My grandson/daughter wears that stuff and I kinda like it, but I can't tell my son/daughter that.'

So I guess I'll just have to get use to the fact that I'm getting older.  Thing is, I think I'm gonna' try to find the fun in doing it.  And some of that fun is at my Senior Center.  Go figure!