Friday, November 28, 2014

One More Down

Because I've been troubled of late with broken family issues I did feel a small sigh of "Glad that is over." blues a bit by the end of the day.

My memory harkened back to large family gatherings at Grandma's house.  Good food!  Good conversation!  Good times!

Grandma was a wonder of diplomacy, strong but in a loving kind way, the kind of person you just wanted to be good for.  We all were better people at grandma's house, and we thanked her for it.  She was a good cook too.  (And she loved me for who I was.)

By the time she died, there were no less than 27 at her table(s) in her small little house for Thanksgiving.

Those lovely crammed holidays were wonderful.  We played together, laughed together, enjoyed each other.

I will always miss it...  Or maybe just miss her.

I am moving forward.  I know that I will get use to the fact that those days have been gone from my life for a long time now.  And that they are not coming back.

Mountain Man and I had a lovely time of our own yesterday.  We shared our little feast with the dog and cat.  We sat and watched the parade and football together.  We played a game.  We looked over the snowy landscape out the window and snuggled by the woodstove.

It wasn't a Grandma Thanksgiving, but it was wonderful in its own right.

I'm gonna' get the hang of this new life I have.  And I think I'll be a lot better for it.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

And Then It Snowed Charlie Brown

Still sick but feeling some what better.

Snow for today 4 to 8 inches.  More, less?  I'm still staying inside this time around.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Today I'll rest.  Do a little decorating for tomorrow.

And dream up replacements, for the things I didn't shop for because I was sick, that were suppose to grace the table.

Let me see...

Apple Crumble for the Pumpkin Pie.

Cranberry Tea instead of Cranberry Sauce (Gotta have those Cranberries in there.)

Bread Pudding instead of Dressing.  (Grandma always made her bread pudding out of stale cake.  And I'm still too tired to bake bread from scratch.  I don't have one of those bread machine things.  And we're out of bread.)

And the rest I still have to figure out.

Thankful anyway.  We're gonna' have a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving around here this year.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Getting Colder. Warmer? Colder!

So we went to the doctor/clinic.

Mountain Man has a cold.

I have a sinus infection (Again!) and strep throat.  On with the meds.

How does he do that.  He so rarely gets sick.  And never as bad as I do.

Anyway I'm to bed.

Tissues?  Check!

Book?  Check!

Knitting?  Check!

Nook?  Check!  (Youtube music and solitair.)

Mug of soup?  Check!  (Black bean. Yum!)

See you when I can think straight again.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Time Slides Sickwise

Is it me or time itself sliding sideways?

I just can't get a hold of it these days.

Holiday prep, hunting season about to start for Mountain Man, being sick, and new patterns in both of our lives with the seasons changing.  (Winter coming early again this year.)

In truth I'm not the only one around here having trouble with time.

The pets are still fighting the time change with the daylight savings time change.  Its now a demand for two feedings an hour apart.

Mountain Man keeps on asking me 'What day is it?' to the point that I just point to the calendar to the first day with no 'X' through it every time he gets a quizzical look on his face.

Mountain Man and I have been fighting a head cold kind of thing that won't quit and changes from day to day.  One day nose, next throat, after that nose again, then ears, and on and on.  If its Tuesday, I must need throat lozenges, kind of thing.  But its Monday and my head is all stuffy and my eyes keep on watering and its hard to see what I'm doing.  (Blink, blink.)  Where did I leave those blasted tissues again?

Time does take on a strange quality when one is sick.  Its a good thing we are not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or having anyone here this year.  This years plan is for a quiet, low key holiday and I think we need it.

And if this sick thing doesn't improve by the weekend.  Mountain Man is going to have to miss the first day of deer hunting season next monday.  I'm not letting him out with a gun in the woods if he's been feeling anything like I have for the last few days.  He'd trip on a tree and shoot himself in the back.

How can a teeny tiny little germ you can't even see lay one so low, and make one so stupid all of a sudden?

I keep on getting out of bed and doing my daily thing because its not that bad of a head cold, no fever or anything.  But still the time keep on slipping sickwises.

It just might be time to call the doctor.

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Mind Slip

Sorry I didn't post yesterday.  It slipped my mind.

I went to the computer completely ready, willing and able to blog.  But I started with reading other peoples postings... and the dog needed to go out first... and the cat fell a sleep on the window sill and fell off...  And we laughed until we cried because she didn't get hurt just insulted.

And I walked away to start my day thinking I was done, but I didn't get back to my blogging.

So I'll start a new streak of daily blogging today.

I hope you have something to laugh about in your day too.  We are still laughing about that silly cat.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

More like a Moth

I have to say that I am sorry to anyone that had a troubling time with my little breakdown.  I had a need that was not being filled in any other way so I came to my Gothy cyber friends.  Some wonderful people came to my aid.  (I thank them with all I have to give in my humble heart.)  I am bruised and dusty but I will get up and move on.

You’d have thought I wouldn’t need people like those in my family in my life and I’d be happy to be well rid of them.  But I kept on telling myself that they are family and diluting myself that in being family it would eventually work out to the good.

In total it is not as bad as when I lost my son in a car accident fifteen years ago. That this loss of unsupportive harpies would not compare, but in some ways I think it made the loss worse.   They knew I had been through the hell fire of loss already and they chose to be cruel anyway.  Conspired to be.  I was still fragile where family funerals were concerned and that was when they chose to strike.

Enter helpful Gothy cyber friends:
So after a few cyber hugs my Gothy heart was restarted and I unfolded my rumple wings like a moth from a cocoon.

I am not a phoenix.  I didn’t rise triumphant from the ashes.   But I do rise with the help of others who are stronger than me at the moment or if not strong physically, they are understanding and giving which is a different kind of strength.  

I will, no doubt, hover too close to persons who will cause me pain once again.  It is part of relationships to have some conflict and to grow from the experience.

I also know that I am not totally healed yet.  That will take a bit more time.

All in all I am better off without those family members in my life.  No one needs a pack of mean vindictive people hanging around them.  It sours everything that is good.  It was the loss of hope that broke me.  Hope that some day true acceptance would come about.  False hope to be sure.

But hope is the candle in the dark.  The flame to which we flit.  It keeps us alive to live another day.  It lights our dreams.

Today I am a moth.