Posts
I did not post yesterday, but you knew that.
I don’t usually sleep in. In fact I’m usually the first one up by hours, but I had a tossing, turning Saturday night and didn’t actually fall asleep until the sky started to get light.
By the time I did get up on Sunday morning Mountain Man was already on line doing computer maintenance on his computer. Fixing the problem took longer then he thought it would and he didn’t get off line until a storm was on the way. In the end I didn’t post, but I did get some laundry and some more lace making done.
So, now our weather is in an afternoon thunderstorm loop. We head out of doors first thing to get as much done as we can before the afternoon rains. It looks like we are having a summer without much summer weather.
Mountain Man is working hard on the stone wall because a deer got into the garden and did some damage to what little is growing in there. He hasn’t had much time to mow the lawn, but I think he’ll have it done by next weekend.
I took something to sleep last night and thou I did sleep in a little, I got a good nights sleep. I feel great today and plan to get a lot done. So for a Monday things are looking up, and that is a good thing.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
On When Does That Expire?:
Some of you have noticed my moodiness lately. It’s not surprising, because in ten days it will have been ten years since my son died in a car accident.
I’ve learned to put my grief away and enjoy my life again. I’ve gotten to know this new person I’ve become. This person who has scars on her heart and soul from being torn apart so very thoroughly that day. I’m here and standing each day, still wondering how I’ve managed it.
I am beyond that point where grief and love mean the same thing. I don’t need to show my grief as proof of my loving for my son. I see him not as some godlike child, but as the nice, yet flawed (as we all are) human being he was.
Ten years is a long time. A lot of things have changed in that time. The world he lived in no longer exists. He didn’t know of Taliban or massive recession, my cancer or of my being grossly overweight. He never met his sister’s soon to be new husband. That she became a nurse or that she lives in Boston.
Other people have come and gone in that time. Cousins of his have gotten married and had children of their own, also the miscarriage or two in there as well. My son had been the oldest of that generation of the family. They moved into adulthood with their own gains and losses without him. The extended family has grown up and grown in number.
Life still has promise for his sister as she readies herself for her wedding day and plans to start a family of her own. But the future promises of his life are all dead and buried with him, no wedding day or children to enjoy.
I live each day in a middle space. Happy and sad at the same time. I see a future and a past stamped on everything I look at. But unconsciously, I find myself looking for the expiration date, only because I know it is there somewhere. I discovered it nearly ten years ago on the day my son died.
I’ve learned to put my grief away and enjoy my life again. I’ve gotten to know this new person I’ve become. This person who has scars on her heart and soul from being torn apart so very thoroughly that day. I’m here and standing each day, still wondering how I’ve managed it.
I am beyond that point where grief and love mean the same thing. I don’t need to show my grief as proof of my loving for my son. I see him not as some godlike child, but as the nice, yet flawed (as we all are) human being he was.
Ten years is a long time. A lot of things have changed in that time. The world he lived in no longer exists. He didn’t know of Taliban or massive recession, my cancer or of my being grossly overweight. He never met his sister’s soon to be new husband. That she became a nurse or that she lives in Boston.
Other people have come and gone in that time. Cousins of his have gotten married and had children of their own, also the miscarriage or two in there as well. My son had been the oldest of that generation of the family. They moved into adulthood with their own gains and losses without him. The extended family has grown up and grown in number.
Life still has promise for his sister as she readies herself for her wedding day and plans to start a family of her own. But the future promises of his life are all dead and buried with him, no wedding day or children to enjoy.
I live each day in a middle space. Happy and sad at the same time. I see a future and a past stamped on everything I look at. But unconsciously, I find myself looking for the expiration date, only because I know it is there somewhere. I discovered it nearly ten years ago on the day my son died.
Friday, June 26, 2009
On A Bowl of Peas and Cartoon Dreams:
It wasn’t like I forgot to blog yesterday because I kept on thinking about it. I just didn’t get there.
We woke to find that a bear had torn apart the garbage and there was this ugly mess in the yard to clean up before the garbage truck came around. No pictures because I had to get to the doctors office early in the day, regular cancer re-check stuff, then errands because we were out already. Farrah Fawcett’s cancer death. Garden work, house cleaning and dog care. Michael Jackson’s death. Day gone and falling into bed, later then usual.
We’ve been replanting what there is still time to grow in our shortened growing season up here on the mountain. The stuff that survived the drowning in the rain has been growing so fast you can almost hear it grow as it stretches toward the sun.
We got one bowl of peas, that we had with lunch, from the plants that didn’t rot in the ground. I was disappointed that we didn’t get enough to freeze this year like the many pound we’ve gotten in other years. But I have to say I was surprised at how much we did get off of the few plants that survived.
Lately I keep on having dreams about a Cartoon Island that I can’t find in my video game. I think I dreamed it up although the island is always the same and matches my game in look and game play. No, I don’t think I’m playing video games too much because I haven’t had time to play much at all. I go days without playing. And I still maintain that my video game playing is for memory exercises because it does help with that. Not to mention that I use a timer so I don’t play for longer then the limited time I allow for it.
I don’t know if it has ever happened to you, dreaming in cartoon, but it is a bit strange for me. I don’t know if I’m a cartoon in the dream because I am seeing through my own eyes at the world on the screen like I do when playing the game and the cartoon people are not doing anything different than in the game. The last few times I played the game I’ve looked for that Island that I remembered so vividly. It was nowhere to be found. But last night I was there again and it was just like I left it.
The feeling that It must be ‘real’ is the hardest thing about it. It makes me wonder how much of what I think are ‘my real memories’ are really real or just realistic dreams I once had.
We woke to find that a bear had torn apart the garbage and there was this ugly mess in the yard to clean up before the garbage truck came around. No pictures because I had to get to the doctors office early in the day, regular cancer re-check stuff, then errands because we were out already. Farrah Fawcett’s cancer death. Garden work, house cleaning and dog care. Michael Jackson’s death. Day gone and falling into bed, later then usual.
We’ve been replanting what there is still time to grow in our shortened growing season up here on the mountain. The stuff that survived the drowning in the rain has been growing so fast you can almost hear it grow as it stretches toward the sun.
We got one bowl of peas, that we had with lunch, from the plants that didn’t rot in the ground. I was disappointed that we didn’t get enough to freeze this year like the many pound we’ve gotten in other years. But I have to say I was surprised at how much we did get off of the few plants that survived.
Lately I keep on having dreams about a Cartoon Island that I can’t find in my video game. I think I dreamed it up although the island is always the same and matches my game in look and game play. No, I don’t think I’m playing video games too much because I haven’t had time to play much at all. I go days without playing. And I still maintain that my video game playing is for memory exercises because it does help with that. Not to mention that I use a timer so I don’t play for longer then the limited time I allow for it.
I don’t know if it has ever happened to you, dreaming in cartoon, but it is a bit strange for me. I don’t know if I’m a cartoon in the dream because I am seeing through my own eyes at the world on the screen like I do when playing the game and the cartoon people are not doing anything different than in the game. The last few times I played the game I’ve looked for that Island that I remembered so vividly. It was nowhere to be found. But last night I was there again and it was just like I left it.
The feeling that It must be ‘real’ is the hardest thing about it. It makes me wonder how much of what I think are ‘my real memories’ are really real or just realistic dreams I once had.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
On Flowering Bushes in the Woods:
The sun did actually shine most of the day and we had not one drop of rain. Mountain Man needed a part for a piece of machinery so we spent most of the day in the car going to older junk yards.
I did some modified exercise for a while yesterday and it actually felt good to do it. I took a walk and took some pictures of the Mountain Laurel. It is the State Flower for Pennsylvania.
I had a hard time finding some left with the hard rain we had the other day, but here they are still on the bushes.
The buds are interesting and I took this picture some time ago.
And the bowl like flowers have an odd spikey structure.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
On Lady Euphoria and Ms Hyde:
I’m feeling much better now that I’ve gotten a good nights sleep. Sleep means so much to me, and after a few nights without it, I’m not fit for human interaction.
My back is doing much better now also. I had to remember to put my arm in the sling this morning instead of the pain shouting out the directive when I tried to dress.
The only thing that could possibly bring me down is the sunshine. I know that the sun is greatly needed around here, but I was liking the cloudy days. If it wasn’t for the rain each and every day, for over a month, I would have been in heaven.
This morning the sun was shining, birds singing and the warmer weather is headed my way. We have had only a handful of days that have reached out of the sixties or light jacket weather. And we are heading right into the high eighties or for me, hot days. Too hot for black Victorian wear.
The good side of this warmer weather is, it will be the first time this year I won’t have to stop what I’m doing to tend the fire in the wood stove every twenty minutes or so. Do you have any idea how dry your hands get when you have to wash them every twenty minutes so you can go back to your lace making? And don’t start letting your fingers itch to tell me what hand creams you use. You can’t use hand cream and make lace. You have to wash it off first.
My hands have had a good recovery time with this forced, no projects, while my back heals. I feel like a hand model creaming them and polishing the nails, that haven’t had a chip in them for days. The aches and pains that plague my hands most days have subsided. But despite that I’m itching to craft.
My mental health seems to be linked into keeping my hands busy. With my hands busy I’m a happy healthy person, but take away my hands and I’m a homicidal maniac. This manifests itself in over eating and self loathing, sleepless nights and becoming a monster that can’t even blog.
I’m hitting some knitting or lace making today, pain or no pain. The addiction needs to be fed. Miss Hyde can go hide again. I like myself better with crafts in my hands.
My back is doing much better now also. I had to remember to put my arm in the sling this morning instead of the pain shouting out the directive when I tried to dress.
The only thing that could possibly bring me down is the sunshine. I know that the sun is greatly needed around here, but I was liking the cloudy days. If it wasn’t for the rain each and every day, for over a month, I would have been in heaven.
This morning the sun was shining, birds singing and the warmer weather is headed my way. We have had only a handful of days that have reached out of the sixties or light jacket weather. And we are heading right into the high eighties or for me, hot days. Too hot for black Victorian wear.
The good side of this warmer weather is, it will be the first time this year I won’t have to stop what I’m doing to tend the fire in the wood stove every twenty minutes or so. Do you have any idea how dry your hands get when you have to wash them every twenty minutes so you can go back to your lace making? And don’t start letting your fingers itch to tell me what hand creams you use. You can’t use hand cream and make lace. You have to wash it off first.
My hands have had a good recovery time with this forced, no projects, while my back heals. I feel like a hand model creaming them and polishing the nails, that haven’t had a chip in them for days. The aches and pains that plague my hands most days have subsided. But despite that I’m itching to craft.
My mental health seems to be linked into keeping my hands busy. With my hands busy I’m a happy healthy person, but take away my hands and I’m a homicidal maniac. This manifests itself in over eating and self loathing, sleepless nights and becoming a monster that can’t even blog.
I’m hitting some knitting or lace making today, pain or no pain. The addiction needs to be fed. Miss Hyde can go hide again. I like myself better with crafts in my hands.
Monday, June 22, 2009
On Leaking:
I’ve written a few blogs this morning just to erase them within a few paragraphs. I woke up all out of sorts this morning and I don’t want to spread it around. But as these things do, it keeps leaking out onto the rest of my life. So this is all your going to get today, a minimum leaking.
So go and read some of the good blogs I have links to on the sidebar today, while I go back to pulling on my boot straps again.
I’m not fit to play with without some knitting in my hands.
So go and read some of the good blogs I have links to on the sidebar today, while I go back to pulling on my boot straps again.
I’m not fit to play with without some knitting in my hands.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
On Frick and Frack:
I was going to write about the Summer Solstice and or Father’s Day today but Frick and Frack showed up.
Frick and Frack were a comedy ice skating team back in the 1930-50’s. Their name became a catch word for two people working together in a seamless way, while being funny and/or unexpected.
Mountain Man broke his glasses this morning. It needed a smaller hand to fix, Mountain Man has large hands, thank you very much. And my one hand is not able to work at the moment without back pain.
We had two pieces that needed to be put back together.
So we did the team thing and tried to work together. At first it was frustrating. Missing the others part as both hands moved to make the connection at the same time and things like that.
Then so funny we couldn’t breath. Glue stuck fingers, you get the picture.
But in the end we got the job done. Steady on, movement in unison. Like a dance done by two yet one.
The arm part is glued back on and the glasses are on his face. But we are different now, closer in a way.
We joined in a moment of oneness on another level. It was just a small thing really, but it made such a large impact on us. For a moment we were one body doing a job. We are not the same now that we have had that moment and I wanted more.
But to know someone so well as to be one all the time? Maybe I don’t want to open that particular can of beans just yet. I like myself and my husband too much to want to put that kind of stress on the marriage.
I think I like to have some mystery. I’ll settle for the odd moment of oneness. A jewel in Frick and Frack.
Frick and Frack were a comedy ice skating team back in the 1930-50’s. Their name became a catch word for two people working together in a seamless way, while being funny and/or unexpected.
Mountain Man broke his glasses this morning. It needed a smaller hand to fix, Mountain Man has large hands, thank you very much. And my one hand is not able to work at the moment without back pain.
We had two pieces that needed to be put back together.
So we did the team thing and tried to work together. At first it was frustrating. Missing the others part as both hands moved to make the connection at the same time and things like that.
Then so funny we couldn’t breath. Glue stuck fingers, you get the picture.
But in the end we got the job done. Steady on, movement in unison. Like a dance done by two yet one.
The arm part is glued back on and the glasses are on his face. But we are different now, closer in a way.
We joined in a moment of oneness on another level. It was just a small thing really, but it made such a large impact on us. For a moment we were one body doing a job. We are not the same now that we have had that moment and I wanted more.
But to know someone so well as to be one all the time? Maybe I don’t want to open that particular can of beans just yet. I like myself and my husband too much to want to put that kind of stress on the marriage.
I think I like to have some mystery. I’ll settle for the odd moment of oneness. A jewel in Frick and Frack.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
On Back to Reality:
Video Games are a curious thing. Despite all things to the contrary (your life all around you), you eventually fall into the fantasy of it and become one with the game. This has been helping me get through my exercise program.
When I play with my Sims I become one of them for the moment. There are neighbors I like and others I dislike and I treat them accordingly. I befriend or avoid with abandon.
As I play with my other adventure games, becoming each character in turn, I battle the monsters within, I learn the landscape. My body twists and contorts in my seat to help move my avatar self through the grueling fight. My other real world recedes into the background.
Don’t ask me a question, I may not answer. And if I do, I won’t remember the conversation later. I am only here in body. My mind has melded with the character on the screen. I am willing, for a short time, to give up my real self to try to become the victor in this plight in the game.
As I started to play the Wii Exercise Games I felt less like that avatar on the screen and more like another person in the exercise class. Dressed in my exer-clothing, exer-sneakers on my feet, with my exer-gear, just like all the others on the screen. I was ‘just me’ in a group, even if one of the others I was looking at was supposed to be me.
This held true even with the sports games. I’d stand in the middle of the room, feeling a little silly, copying a cartoon me. Arms flailing, legs pumping, breath gasping, sweat pouring. But still having fun getting stronger and more healthy by loosing weight in a more engaging way.
Day after day, the days moved into weeks. I was handling this exercise program well. No strained muscles, although they were sore. No injuries. I was going at this with a level head and not over doing it.
That of course was until I got competitive and needed to beat my last score. I was playing bowling. No heavy ball to worry about to help give me an injury. No one around to distract or bump into me. I flung my arm sooo hard at the screen trying to get that sixth strike in a row. I pulled a muscle in my back yesterday playing bowling with a control stick that only weighted a few ounces. My arm is in a sling. No two handed projects for a while. My reality is reading and watching movies.
But, I just may start to march to the rhythm of the exercise instructor’s music in a few days. I can’t let a back pull slow me down. I’ll have gone days without a video game in my hands.
Friday, June 19, 2009
On Daisy TV:
I don’t watch a lot of TV anymore. I can’t stand the so called, Gameshow Reality TV. (Yes, I have had some pretty strange neighbors at times and everyone I know, myself included has some people in their families that have mental health issues.) But do the people you live around really act like that on a regular basis????? Sitcoms of the day leave me flat. There are no Cosby type thinking sitcoms anymore. Every one of them has the parents on lower value scale then the kids.
I can’t get cable, don’t have a satellite dish, and my new, ‘better then analog’, digital, over the air, service is not so great. I can’t record for later on my VCR anymore. And my computer on slow dialup service can’t get me TV or movies either. All of this leaves me far behind the times, I know.
I like TV to entertain me but keep my mind working. Not working hard mind you, but engaged. I lean toward Sci-Fi because of the larger parameters of possibilities. I love ‘Red Dwarf’ and its irreverent humor and how things come back and link together, all the while rewriting the history/future as it happened. I watch these on DVD.
‘Pushing Daisies’ is back on TV. Three weeks ago while channel surfing I found it, unannounced on a Saturday night.
The show was canceled last year in mid season. The new installments, and they are new, have a ever so slightly different look to the same old characters. Not new people, just a time gap in there.
ABC, as one of the three big TV companies, is failing. It flies ever lower on the radar of the viewing public. But it has me front and center for an hour every Saturday night as ‘Pushing Daisies’ came back on for my viewing pleasure. I don’t think just this show would turn them around, but I also know I’m not the only one around that is getting tired of little else then forensics and reality TV.
I’d love it if they did a lost thing with it and re-run all the previous episodes for those that hadn’t been watching from the beginning, so could get into it. This doesn’t matter so much for people like me who have the first year on DVD already but others could find the show and get into it from the beginning.
But anyway, it is back. It has a quirky way of looking at the world. Brighter then life colors and a wildly interlinked story line. Every week reveals new answers and new clues to yet other mysteries about the characters. I can’t wait to get more of it.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
On Projects on the Side:
I have been stealing a moment or two to do other things around here besides watching Red Dwarf DVD’s while making lace, that I can’t show you because it is for the wedding, and exercising with the Wii game. You’ll have to go watch ‘Biggest Looser’ if you like to look at fat people exercise.
I made myself a plain black apron with a pocket, but with no sunshine around here, the pictures will have to wait. Black just doesn’t photo well without a lot of light.
And I took the time to fix up this.
Years ago, by this I mean more then ten or fifteen. I bought an old purse clasp, that had been in a fire, from a thrift store for about a dollar and a half. It still had soot on it. I’d take it out and scrub it down some more, I didn’t want all the patina to be removed. Then I’d try to decide what kind of bag I should make for it.
At first I wanted to make a beaded bag, but I felt it would take away from the filigree clasp. Then I wanted something with fringe. I hemmed and hawed picking it up and then putting it away for years.
Black velvet and a light gray lining, it matches my cloak now. Simple. Just big enough to hold my black fan, mourning handkerchief and a few ladies needs, like black lipstick.
I think it came out just right.
I made myself a plain black apron with a pocket, but with no sunshine around here, the pictures will have to wait. Black just doesn’t photo well without a lot of light.
And I took the time to fix up this.
Years ago, by this I mean more then ten or fifteen. I bought an old purse clasp, that had been in a fire, from a thrift store for about a dollar and a half. It still had soot on it. I’d take it out and scrub it down some more, I didn’t want all the patina to be removed. Then I’d try to decide what kind of bag I should make for it.
At first I wanted to make a beaded bag, but I felt it would take away from the filigree clasp. Then I wanted something with fringe. I hemmed and hawed picking it up and then putting it away for years.
Black velvet and a light gray lining, it matches my cloak now. Simple. Just big enough to hold my black fan, mourning handkerchief and a few ladies needs, like black lipstick.
I think it came out just right.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
On Like Papers in the Wind:
Anyone who has been reading for a while knows about my faulty memory since the chemo. This at times can be a laughing matter but most of the time it is very frustrating.
Yes, it is laughable to find that when I go to do the laundry it is already done. Magic even. But the other shoe of this pair is finding the clothes line full of very wet clothing because I didn’t remember that I hung the cloths and it rained unexpectedly early that day.
I live my life off of 3 X 5 note cards. There are card for daily jobs, weekly, and so on. This saves on paper and time so I don’t have to list the same chores every day. I just pull out my job cards and when they are all neatly back in the box in their order and spaces, said chores are done until next time.
I have cards so I don’t grossly over eat, forgetting I just had a snack or a meal. Cards to remind me to exercise. Cards to remind me to set the timer so I don’t spend all day playing video games or writing stories.
I also have cards for important things. Doctor appointments on the refrigerator and a daily card to look at the cards on the frig. To do lists posted so I know what projects are in play and when they need to be done by, like the lace projects for the wedding and so fourth.
I was cleaning up my desk and found some errant cards that had slipped under the computer tower. Reading them I realized that I had not sent the pictures to Judith like I promised, or changed the Epitaph in weeks, nor have I but up a new story on Thrill or Shiver for a while.
Not crass carelessness, just a glitch in the system. If it is not on a card, or the card gets lost or misplaced, I don’t have a way of remembering my commitments at times. Sad but true. And if you have never had a memory problem you just don’t understand what I go through. I know I didn’t understand before the brain damage.
I work hard trying to keep all my balls in the air and my cards on the table at the same time. But sometimes they get away from me and I’m sorry about that. I’ll get right on these cards for today as soon as I remember where I put that box of job cards. Hee hee!
Yes, it is laughable to find that when I go to do the laundry it is already done. Magic even. But the other shoe of this pair is finding the clothes line full of very wet clothing because I didn’t remember that I hung the cloths and it rained unexpectedly early that day.
I live my life off of 3 X 5 note cards. There are card for daily jobs, weekly, and so on. This saves on paper and time so I don’t have to list the same chores every day. I just pull out my job cards and when they are all neatly back in the box in their order and spaces, said chores are done until next time.
I have cards so I don’t grossly over eat, forgetting I just had a snack or a meal. Cards to remind me to exercise. Cards to remind me to set the timer so I don’t spend all day playing video games or writing stories.
I also have cards for important things. Doctor appointments on the refrigerator and a daily card to look at the cards on the frig. To do lists posted so I know what projects are in play and when they need to be done by, like the lace projects for the wedding and so fourth.
I was cleaning up my desk and found some errant cards that had slipped under the computer tower. Reading them I realized that I had not sent the pictures to Judith like I promised, or changed the Epitaph in weeks, nor have I but up a new story on Thrill or Shiver for a while.
Not crass carelessness, just a glitch in the system. If it is not on a card, or the card gets lost or misplaced, I don’t have a way of remembering my commitments at times. Sad but true. And if you have never had a memory problem you just don’t understand what I go through. I know I didn’t understand before the brain damage.
I work hard trying to keep all my balls in the air and my cards on the table at the same time. But sometimes they get away from me and I’m sorry about that. I’ll get right on these cards for today as soon as I remember where I put that box of job cards. Hee hee!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
On ‘What Direction Next’ or ‘Hey I Was Using That‘:
I was taking these pictures of the eveing sky. Beautiful, but harmful in its way.
North
West
South
East
I was surrounded by stormy weather.
I came in and pulled them up on the computer to find that I could not use them as I usually did.
I did not give into the pressure to buy all the bells and whistles programs and extras when I bought this computer. It had free tryouts added to it in great numbers which for the most part I didn’t use. I stuck to Microsoft Word and the Windows functions, keeping to the lower grade features and making do. Everything seemed to be working out just fine.
I like what Microsoft Office had to offer, but didn’t have the funds at the time to up grade. I also didn’t feel the need to spend all that extra money for a few add-ons and functions I wasn’t used to using. I was happy…
I went to work on resizing my pictures for my blog only to find that I could not use the picture function in any way but to look at them on the computer screen. The automatic download I had gotten days before had changed my Windows picture files to be attached to One Note, a portion of Microsoft Office, that I can not use with out paying them for the up grade. All the printing functions are now ‘not’ available to me as they had been before.
I had to switch over to the cannon picture function that came with my camera, and I’m not as used to using, now I have to spend hours if not days recalculating how to make my pictures print out into stereograph picture all over again. I can no longer get three to a sheet, wasting card paper three to one to print them in the right size to work in the viewer.
What else will they take from me next. I paid for a working system and now I get take backs in the guise of helpful up grades to my system. They moved a free function to a pay for system and locked me and others out without batting an eye or warning so I could bypass it.
Yes, I feel surrounded by stormy weather. But not all of it is from the skies.
North
West
South
East
I was surrounded by stormy weather.
I came in and pulled them up on the computer to find that I could not use them as I usually did.
I did not give into the pressure to buy all the bells and whistles programs and extras when I bought this computer. It had free tryouts added to it in great numbers which for the most part I didn’t use. I stuck to Microsoft Word and the Windows functions, keeping to the lower grade features and making do. Everything seemed to be working out just fine.
I like what Microsoft Office had to offer, but didn’t have the funds at the time to up grade. I also didn’t feel the need to spend all that extra money for a few add-ons and functions I wasn’t used to using. I was happy…
I went to work on resizing my pictures for my blog only to find that I could not use the picture function in any way but to look at them on the computer screen. The automatic download I had gotten days before had changed my Windows picture files to be attached to One Note, a portion of Microsoft Office, that I can not use with out paying them for the up grade. All the printing functions are now ‘not’ available to me as they had been before.
I had to switch over to the cannon picture function that came with my camera, and I’m not as used to using, now I have to spend hours if not days recalculating how to make my pictures print out into stereograph picture all over again. I can no longer get three to a sheet, wasting card paper three to one to print them in the right size to work in the viewer.
What else will they take from me next. I paid for a working system and now I get take backs in the guise of helpful up grades to my system. They moved a free function to a pay for system and locked me and others out without batting an eye or warning so I could bypass it.
Yes, I feel surrounded by stormy weather. But not all of it is from the skies.
Monday, June 15, 2009
On Old and New Subjects:
I feel like a broken record. Migraine headache, migraine headache, migraine headache.
The busier I go, the behinder I get from these headaches. I can’t control the weather and the weather people don’t see a change to it, so I suffer. (Rain, rain go away.) We did find mold growing behind some furniture in the house and that was cleaned up. So I’m hoping to have the situation in hand at least. (Not the killer mold, so don‘t worry.)
On to other things:
Since the migraine lifted yesterday, I was going through my magazines that got here while I was down and out. I get Faerie Magazine and Gothic Beauty. Both of them have articles on different Neil Gaiman (Coraline author) books.
But the thing that caught my breath was in Gothic Beauty. It was the Coffin Quilts of Mary Kenyon. Now, I have seen mourning quilts with little headstones or coffins with family or loved ones names carefully embroidered on them. But these were different. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of doing something like this before. If you hit 'View All' under the slide show you can see each individually.
Her husband is a tattoo artist and she started out making tattoo quilts that matched some of his work for his customers. She doesn’t have anything in her Esty shop at the moment because she has so many orders to fill. Her work is beautiful and I can’t wait to make one of my own in my own style, or maybe a dozen. But all will have to wait until after the wedding.
I feel like a broken record. Migraine headache, migraine headache, migraine headache.
The busier I go, the behinder I get from these headaches. I can’t control the weather and the weather people don’t see a change to it, so I suffer. (Rain, rain go away.) We did find mold growing behind some furniture in the house and that was cleaned up. So I’m hoping to have the situation in hand at least. (Not the killer mold, so don‘t worry.)
On to other things:
Since the migraine lifted yesterday, I was going through my magazines that got here while I was down and out. I get Faerie Magazine and Gothic Beauty. Both of them have articles on different Neil Gaiman (Coraline author) books.
But the thing that caught my breath was in Gothic Beauty. It was the Coffin Quilts of Mary Kenyon. Now, I have seen mourning quilts with little headstones or coffins with family or loved ones names carefully embroidered on them. But these were different. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of doing something like this before. If you hit 'View All' under the slide show you can see each individually.
Her husband is a tattoo artist and she started out making tattoo quilts that matched some of his work for his customers. She doesn’t have anything in her Esty shop at the moment because she has so many orders to fill. Her work is beautiful and I can’t wait to make one of my own in my own style, or maybe a dozen. But all will have to wait until after the wedding.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
On Rose Covered Apology:
I’ve been feeling a bit bad about not emailing or commenting on the blogs I read lately. Spring came and I’m just plain busy.
I like to keep in touch, making comments, and chatting with you by emails behind the scenes.
I’ve been reading your blogs (those that have them) here and there through out the day, but I haven’t been in the house a lot. And when I am, I’m doing things that I don’t have my hands free while on the computer to type a comment or reply. No free hands or time.
I’ve been doing the Wii exercise games I have. Three times a day in fifteen minute spots. Good fun and a lot of work. I have more energy and my clothing is fitting better.
I’ve been cleaning the house and closets, sewing and lace making for the wedding, and taking care of two elderly dogs, one of whom is dieing slowly.
Outside, between the rain drops, I‘ve been trying to keep up with the weeding. Weeds are the only things growing in the rainy cool weather we have been having lately. And they have been growing like, like, like weeds. The slugs have taken over and eaten half the plants we had growing out in the garden and now we have to replant. Not one cucumber plant survived the onslaught.
The wild roses are doing fine in the rain because they are wild and essentially a weed. We have lots of them, both large bushes and small, all over the woods. And they pop up all over where we don’t want them in the garden and lawn. They aren’t much to look at, but the smell. The aroma of rose, those very little petals put out is amazing. When you get too close they can take your breath away.
I noted others in the world of blogging have been busy also, so I don’t feel quite so bad about my lack of communication. I want to say I’ll get right on those comments but the weather doesn’t look like it is going to change any time soon and the wedding is not until August.
So for now I’m here, but being a bit more quite and I offer roses that have stood the test of time.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
On The Bats are Back:
I spent some time this morning just watching the bats.
I wake up early. In the pre dawn light I watch the bats. I hear birds twitter and warble in the woods as the birds wake and start their day. But the, silent to my ears, bats swoop and spin in the air as they gobble down bugs in the barely lit air, that is still heavy with fog and dew.
I have no pictures. The bats are too fast for my camera to catch and the foggy air too thick. But I can see the bats flash passed my window in their morning dance.
The bugs are getting plentiful as the spring marches closer to the summer months. The bats are back and eating their fill.
I watch them in the evening also, as the day comes to an end. But thou the day is quieter then it is not as quiet as the very early morning hours. Bats belong in the quiet of the night in my way of thinking.
On moon lit nights I can watch them for hours as they fly and swoop and zing past. Still, nothing beats the frantic activity of the early pre dawn eating of the bats in my yard.
I wake up early. In the pre dawn light I watch the bats. I hear birds twitter and warble in the woods as the birds wake and start their day. But the, silent to my ears, bats swoop and spin in the air as they gobble down bugs in the barely lit air, that is still heavy with fog and dew.
I have no pictures. The bats are too fast for my camera to catch and the foggy air too thick. But I can see the bats flash passed my window in their morning dance.
The bugs are getting plentiful as the spring marches closer to the summer months. The bats are back and eating their fill.
I watch them in the evening also, as the day comes to an end. But thou the day is quieter then it is not as quiet as the very early morning hours. Bats belong in the quiet of the night in my way of thinking.
On moon lit nights I can watch them for hours as they fly and swoop and zing past. Still, nothing beats the frantic activity of the early pre dawn eating of the bats in my yard.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
On Picking Stones:
Mountain Man has been working on a new stone wall around the vegetable garden. Our place is kind of wild because we have been getting a lot of rainy days and not a lot of mowing time.
Last year Mountain Man made this stone wall on the north side of the garden.
This years stone wall placement, rounding the corner and heading for the south wall.
This years stone wall so far.
The gap for the gate with the higher south wall showing in the background
Last year Mountain Man made this stone wall on the north side of the garden.
This years stone wall placement, rounding the corner and heading for the south wall.
This years stone wall so far.
The gap for the gate with the higher south wall showing in the background
Monday, June 8, 2009
On Discovering the Islands:
No, I didn’t go on vacation, or even leave the house. Well, I did leave the house to go shopping and I got me ‘My Sims - Kingdom’ for my Wii gaming system.
It is not an active game. That is, it is not a game you have to get out of your chair to play like my ‘Wii Sports (That comes with the system), Wii Active - Personal Trainer,’ ‘AMF Bowling’ and ‘My Fitness Coach’ that I have for my Wii. (Thank you GameStop for your less expensive used games.)
Anyway, ‘My Sims - Kingdom’ is a group of Islands, each having a theme, from Mad Rocket Scientist to Fairies or Cowboy island. The king sets the wizard to determine that you are the one to help the people that live in the kingdom, (the tutorial). You are given a magic wand and you (boy or girl, you decide the sex and look) have to use this wand to fix, repair, and help all the people in the kingdom on the fifteen islands.
I haven’t unlocked all the islands yet with my humanitarian deeds, but I did get to the Goth Island and I don’t want to leave.
My little avitar Euphoria has a spider tattoo on her face. She fixes machines, does plumbing and electrical, and builds things (houses, gardens, bridges…) for the people. She herds things (bunnies to cows), collects things, goes mining (hillside), prospecting (metal detector), gardening (pulls weeds and cares for fruit trees). She goes fishing and plays with her new friends as she gains skills, pieces to the puzzles, games and problems, and gains points with the king.
I’ll be spending my extra time on the Kingdom Islands all this summer. Yes, the game will take that long and is so involved as it progresses. And I’ve also discovered, through the web, that it won’t be over even after the end credits play. When the games quests have all been played out. If I let the end credits play to the last, the game continues…
Tomorrow I show you how far Mountain Man has gotten on building his wall. It’s been too cool to do much gardening. Nothing is growing and the slugs are just eating what has been planted.
As for me, as soon as I’ve finished my morning Wii exercises I’m going to the Kingdom Islands.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
On Playing Nice:
While I was staring at my breakfast cereal this morning, pondering the world and my small part in it. And I realized once again that I am different. I want to play well with others, but when the time comes I don’t.
This does not come from a mean or angry place. I don’t want others to fail or be hurt. I really don’t care who wins. I just don’t like taking turns.
No, that isn’t right either. What I don’t like is waiting for the other person or persons to get on with it. ‘Roll the dice already and stop playing with your chair.’ ‘Stop testing the wind before your shot or pitch.’ ‘Why does it take so long to find the right ball, bat, racket, club…?’
It is a time wasting thing, I think.
Not that I feel I’m more important then anyone else. Not that I don’t feel they have every right to dilly dally. I’m just a ‘gotta be doing something’ person, even when not moving.
While bird watching, and I did this for years. I was watching the play of shadows and light on the ground, writing stories in my head, making lists of things to do, and figuring out how to construct a new pattern for some craft. All at the same time, never missing a twitter, hop or wing beat.
I was a born multi-tasker. My mother always said I should be a scientist with the way I could think about so many things at one time and keep them all straight.
And although this is no longer true for me. (I can no longer do more then two things at once.) I still, and maybe even more so, hate when other people waist my time.
I think that is why I like the Wii games so much. With a click of the button my opponent does not disappear, but all the extra run time is cut away. They take their turn without wasting time. The real main reason I didn’t do well with organized sports has been eliminated. I’m having fun, great fun, playing tennis and golf and bowling and baseball. I’m running races and laughing about it. No ones feeling are hurt by my button pushing deletions of their commentary on their game. I may even learn to be a better sport some day.
This does not come from a mean or angry place. I don’t want others to fail or be hurt. I really don’t care who wins. I just don’t like taking turns.
No, that isn’t right either. What I don’t like is waiting for the other person or persons to get on with it. ‘Roll the dice already and stop playing with your chair.’ ‘Stop testing the wind before your shot or pitch.’ ‘Why does it take so long to find the right ball, bat, racket, club…?’
It is a time wasting thing, I think.
Not that I feel I’m more important then anyone else. Not that I don’t feel they have every right to dilly dally. I’m just a ‘gotta be doing something’ person, even when not moving.
While bird watching, and I did this for years. I was watching the play of shadows and light on the ground, writing stories in my head, making lists of things to do, and figuring out how to construct a new pattern for some craft. All at the same time, never missing a twitter, hop or wing beat.
I was a born multi-tasker. My mother always said I should be a scientist with the way I could think about so many things at one time and keep them all straight.
And although this is no longer true for me. (I can no longer do more then two things at once.) I still, and maybe even more so, hate when other people waist my time.
I think that is why I like the Wii games so much. With a click of the button my opponent does not disappear, but all the extra run time is cut away. They take their turn without wasting time. The real main reason I didn’t do well with organized sports has been eliminated. I’m having fun, great fun, playing tennis and golf and bowling and baseball. I’m running races and laughing about it. No ones feeling are hurt by my button pushing deletions of their commentary on their game. I may even learn to be a better sport some day.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
On What Time of Year Is It Anyway?:
I would like to say that the reason for my absence yesterday was because I hurt myself doing some thing fun. (Like playing too hard with my new Wii gaming system, which I love by the way.) But alas, this is not the case.
My allergies have been running more to the migraines I get from leaf molds in the autumn then my usual spring allergic reactions from pollen. Apparently all the cool rainy days we have been having have made the mold grow too. And cool has kept the garden from growing.
On Thursday I went in the woods to help Mountain Man collect more stones for his wall, and I came back with a sick migraine headache.
I have switch to the allergy meds I use in the autumn and the pain is lifting day by day.
I’ll leave you with some pictures of Mountain Man’s wall project that I took a few days ago. The first is where we are getting the stones from in the woods. The other is the wall as of Thursday. It is bigger now, but those pictures will have to wait to be taken another day.
My allergies have been running more to the migraines I get from leaf molds in the autumn then my usual spring allergic reactions from pollen. Apparently all the cool rainy days we have been having have made the mold grow too. And cool has kept the garden from growing.
On Thursday I went in the woods to help Mountain Man collect more stones for his wall, and I came back with a sick migraine headache.
I have switch to the allergy meds I use in the autumn and the pain is lifting day by day.
I’ll leave you with some pictures of Mountain Man’s wall project that I took a few days ago. The first is where we are getting the stones from in the woods. The other is the wall as of Thursday. It is bigger now, but those pictures will have to wait to be taken another day.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
On Kevin’s Mittens Update:
The mitten pattern has finally been posted.
I have unveiled a multi-sized pattern for good, plain, serviceable mittens on the Kevin’s Mittens site. I finally got enough of the input back from some of my test knitters on the pattern posted there. I, myself, have knitted at least two pair in every size in the pattern, in both wool and synthetics.
Black Crow was most helpful and she even posted an update on her blog about them. I will be sending her a gift of appreciation within a few days time.
For all who helped with the Kevin’s Mittens pattern I appreciated your efforts also. I know that the pattern looks long and complicated at first glance with all the sizes from baby to men‘s extra large, but the added information and tips were considered very helpful in the end by the people who tried it out.
I know that it is summertime here in the northern hemisphere and most people are not thinking of mittens. But when the weather gets colder again and you are looking for a smaller winter knitting project to get you started thinking about winter things again, or maybe you just want to use up some left over stash, think about making these mittens for charity or even for someone you love too.
Thank you all, Lady Euphoria Deathwatch
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
On Don’t Open that Door:
There are many rooms in my house/mind. I have a mansion of stuff and issues in my head. Like most people I have rooms open to the public and other more privet family spaces. Then there are the ones that even I don’t want to look in to. Not nice things are in there.
There are times that I’m not as happy with myself as I used to be. One of them is in the weight loss department. (Fourth floor down in the sub basement next to the torture chamber… Uh gym.) Did you hear the hinges of that door creak and squeal as I opened it just a crack.
Although I like to do things like walking and gardening. I like that last part in Yoga where you lay down on the mat and just rest the best.
I hate to exercise. Come anywhere near me when I am doing said exercise and the demon in me may just snap your head off. (Tell tale blood dripping from the corners of my mouth.)
Mountain Man is a nice guy. I need to whisper here… ‘He is a super man, a machine.’ (Can’t say those things too loud or they get a swelled head.) No, but he is. The man is in his mid sixties and can do things most high school boys tire out at and give up. And he has never, ever had a weight problem.
He eats a reasonable diet, by this I mean he never goes without dessert. He works hard in the sun, rain, snow… all day getting wood, working the garden, building stone walls, mowing the grass (No, he doesn’t have a ride on mower for the acres he mows, or a pull along either. The man splits the wood himself too.) And he exercises for fun. To me he is a crazy man in this.
I have always strived for a Jetson’s kind of life. My favorite cartoon of theirs was the one where Jane Jetson needs to get a robot maid because her one finger gives out from pushing the few buttons to get the house to clean itself. Food prepares itself. The cars drive themselves. The walkways are motorized. Even the clothing closet dresses them. Ahhh Heaven!
We broke down and got me a Wii Game system. And darn it, I’m having fun exercising. I haven’t thrown one brick at the TV. (We own one of those old foam bricks for TV commentary from back in the seventies.) Only thought of doing it in passing during the squats on day two.
My muscles hurt a little and my energy levels are rising. I just keep on going back for more with a smile on my face. Now, where did I put that oil for the door hinges?
There are times that I’m not as happy with myself as I used to be. One of them is in the weight loss department. (Fourth floor down in the sub basement next to the torture chamber… Uh gym.) Did you hear the hinges of that door creak and squeal as I opened it just a crack.
Although I like to do things like walking and gardening. I like that last part in Yoga where you lay down on the mat and just rest the best.
I hate to exercise. Come anywhere near me when I am doing said exercise and the demon in me may just snap your head off. (Tell tale blood dripping from the corners of my mouth.)
Mountain Man is a nice guy. I need to whisper here… ‘He is a super man, a machine.’ (Can’t say those things too loud or they get a swelled head.) No, but he is. The man is in his mid sixties and can do things most high school boys tire out at and give up. And he has never, ever had a weight problem.
He eats a reasonable diet, by this I mean he never goes without dessert. He works hard in the sun, rain, snow… all day getting wood, working the garden, building stone walls, mowing the grass (No, he doesn’t have a ride on mower for the acres he mows, or a pull along either. The man splits the wood himself too.) And he exercises for fun. To me he is a crazy man in this.
I have always strived for a Jetson’s kind of life. My favorite cartoon of theirs was the one where Jane Jetson needs to get a robot maid because her one finger gives out from pushing the few buttons to get the house to clean itself. Food prepares itself. The cars drive themselves. The walkways are motorized. Even the clothing closet dresses them. Ahhh Heaven!
We broke down and got me a Wii Game system. And darn it, I’m having fun exercising. I haven’t thrown one brick at the TV. (We own one of those old foam bricks for TV commentary from back in the seventies.) Only thought of doing it in passing during the squats on day two.
My muscles hurt a little and my energy levels are rising. I just keep on going back for more with a smile on my face. Now, where did I put that oil for the door hinges?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
On Spring Flowers Around Here:
I went for a walk yesterday. I helped Mountain Man get rocks and stones for the next phase of the wall around the vegetable garden. And took pictures of flowers.
Pictures of flowers around my house. These first two are wild flowers.
The daisy popped up in the yard and the pinks are crowded together by the labyrinth.
The next, mock orange at the corner of the house.
These last are the clematis in my outdoor, birdbath room. I have a stone wall and hedges, roofless room out in the yard. It is a little bit of wild kind of place, that has some flowers, two park type benches in it, and a bird bath with some statuary.
Older picture of the room.
Pictures of flowers around my house. These first two are wild flowers.
The daisy popped up in the yard and the pinks are crowded together by the labyrinth.
The next, mock orange at the corner of the house.
These last are the clematis in my outdoor, birdbath room. I have a stone wall and hedges, roofless room out in the yard. It is a little bit of wild kind of place, that has some flowers, two park type benches in it, and a bird bath with some statuary.
Older picture of the room.
Monday, June 1, 2009
On A Hit in the Head to Fly Straight:
I spent the weekend in bed with a migraine headache. It came with a sudden allergy attack from watching calories on the box instead of ingredients. My face was swollen and I couldn’t open my eyes. What’s with the eyes again? That is when it hit me…
My glasses didn’t fall apart in my hands while cleaning them because of some random time to get new ones thing. I couldn’t see because the powers that be wanted me to stop looking outward so much and to take the time to look inward again.
I’d been spending too much time on outside pursuits.
I changed my morning yoga to a more active exercise program to try to boost my weight loss, since I got back from Boston. (Not working by the way.) I’d stolen away some prayer time to make lace for the wedding, but I really didn’t need to do that, because I could have used video game time instead.
I was out of balance. I’ve been rushing around like a chicken without a head, trying to get things done, only to find my own self in the way. I’ve become my own worst enemy.
Until, that is, I gave myself a cosmic hit in the head. A migraine headache/ allergy attack. Nothing like total incapacitating pain to make you think hard and long.
I’m back to a more balanced way of living. And this time, in cooperation with the other powers in the universe.
My glasses didn’t fall apart in my hands while cleaning them because of some random time to get new ones thing. I couldn’t see because the powers that be wanted me to stop looking outward so much and to take the time to look inward again.
I’d been spending too much time on outside pursuits.
I changed my morning yoga to a more active exercise program to try to boost my weight loss, since I got back from Boston. (Not working by the way.) I’d stolen away some prayer time to make lace for the wedding, but I really didn’t need to do that, because I could have used video game time instead.
I was out of balance. I’ve been rushing around like a chicken without a head, trying to get things done, only to find my own self in the way. I’ve become my own worst enemy.
Until, that is, I gave myself a cosmic hit in the head. A migraine headache/ allergy attack. Nothing like total incapacitating pain to make you think hard and long.
I’m back to a more balanced way of living. And this time, in cooperation with the other powers in the universe.
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