On The Sleep I Need:

I want to sleep at night but it will not come easily right now. I fall asleep only to wake time and again in a fitful twisting of the sheets.

It isn’t the grieving of Lady Pink that is so tiresome for me. That is a new wound that will take it‘s own time to heal.

It is the churning up of feeling long hashed over and deeply scarred. Will the new normal I’ve made for myself since my sons death ever sit quite. Always the reminders and memories turned sad.

I have happy ones. Memories of silly times and funny things. I take them out like old playthings and dust them off. I straighten them on the shelf. It is the sad ones that come by unbidden. A sneak attack. An unwelcome surprise that plague my nights right now.

I want to be free to grief for my friend Lady Pink. But a larger pain is still in the way. And last night it kept me awake again.

I will go to the viewing this evening and morn for my friend with the others who loved her. We will also celebrate her life.

But this morning I will go back to bed and sleep. The daylight and household noises will lull me into a false sense of security. The dark thoughts of night will have less than fertile ground. I will sleep and try to heal once more.