Wednesday, March 25, 2009

On The Burdens We Put on Ourselves:

This week has gotten away from me. Mountain Man and I are a bit under the weather. Not sick really. No symptoms you could put your finger on and say, ‘You have the flu, common cold…’ you choose the illness.

Just low grade fevers, tickle in the throat, and no energy. I tell you this not to get sympathy but just as information toward my tale.

I ‘could’ use it as an excuse for not getting anything done. But I won’t.

I managed to get a new camera and play with it a lot. Hundreds of pictures of nothing at all, as I learned the different buttons on the thing. But I’m not going to show you those. You really don’t care about how I can get a good, close up shot of the rusty nail head in the fence post from 100 feet and through the window now.

I did get this nice shot of a cardinal on the bird feeder. (Note to self, move to the window that doesn’t have a screen on it next time.)

I managed ‘not’ to eat anything with refined sugar in it since I joined the contest at Woolen Rabbit on Sunday. Next on the list of good for me tortures is eliminating refined flours. (She says as she munches on the last package of the tasty, refined flour crackers.)

Confession one of the week here. I am a refined carbohydrate addict. The smallest amount of the refined white stuff and it’s like drugs. I want! I gotta’ have… More! Cant… Stop… My… Self!!!! My weight loss downfall.

But the reason I tell you all this is because I have ‘not’ gotten one stitch on my knitting needles of mittens this week toward my tow pair a week goal.

Did I take on too much? Did I over estimate my knitting prowess? Was I over enthusiastic about the Kevin’s Mittens Charity? Was I too proud of myself when I was putting out three pairs a week from Nov to the end of Jan, but getting nothing else done around here?

Probably, Yes, to all of the above. I have failed to continue to produce mittens at a break neck pace. It’s not that I don’t love my dead son with all my heart. Or that I secretly want the charity to fail. I wanted it to be about love and caring not quotas.

The reason I failed is probably that after nine years I’ve grown and learned to move on with the living of my life.

I will release myself from the burden of quotas on mittens. And now that it is not a mandatory thing anymore I feel like doing it again. With the failure removed, the fun came back.

Now where did I put the gray yarn for the mouse puppet mittens?


Rebecca Nazar said...

I love cardinals. I rarely see them, just on and off in the fall--a pair. My cat's a serial killer, so it's for the best.

". . . about love and caring not quotas." is a lovely sentiment. Every artisan needs a rest every now and then.

Mouse said...

I'm not feeling well either this week.. I think our weather changes are probably going to finally do me in.
As for charity knitting.. I used to belong to a charity knitting/crochet group and donate once a month. It didn't matter what it was (usually baby items b/c we did a lot of NICU stuff) and I always sent a few things. THEN a woman took over the group who made it manditory to have so many items per month. I quit and so did many of the members. You can't MAKE people knit or rush things that are made with love & caring.. you really can't.
Every set of mittens you (or anyone else) make is another set out in the world.. you don't need to rush them or beat yourself up about them. Its supposed to be about good feelings.. right?


What Mouse said. You want love knit into each pair, not aggravation or bad feelings.

I'm feeling good, though I am hearing that the creeping crud is on the march around here.

Rachel May said...

Congratulations on redefining your sense of accomplishment as it relates to love related mitten production!!! That you are doing it at all strikes me as lovely. All the best on the knitting front, it has always seemed vaguely magical to me (I can crochet but only on a frame)