Sunday, June 22, 2008

On Not Being Like Others:

I like being alone some days. I get to do what I want and how I want. I dress as romantigoth as I like. Most of the time I tone it down a bit because my husband is not goth. Each month he goes off out of town to his religious affiliation club meeting and I have the day to myself. Out comes my more outrageous clothing, jewelry, and makeup. My fingernail are painted black. My hair is done up. My pointy toed boots are on my feet. My skirts flow and swish around my ankles. I am content in this.

There are days I wish I did have someone to share all this fun with. My friends and sisters are all very different individuals. We fit but don’t fit in each others lives. In this I have a cornucopia of women in my family and we celebrate the differences. No matter how much those differences annoy us at times.

But in that is the trouble. Being different I have no one to share my dress up gothic life with. No friends or family that are romantigoth like me. I got tired of being the dinosaur in the corner being laughed at the clubs by the bat-ling wan-a-be’s. All so new and fresh and hip. Thinking that they own it all. (My mind screams at them. “I was gothic before you were born.”) So my outrageous fun dress up days are spent alone because I’m too different to play well with others. And I’m too old to want to play in the kiddy pool.

Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t give up those dress up days for the world. I just wish I had a friend to share all the fun with. Because the fun gets multiplied that way.

And lets face it being goth can be lonely in the best of times. It’s just nice to be one of the crowd sometimes while being myself. I know that there are others out there. We just haven’t found each other yet.

So after a last coat of nail polish I’ll put on some music and have myself a cup of tea with my own dressed up self and a movie. And to my new friendship out there wherever you are. ‘Here’s to you. We may be in separate places but we are one in the heart.’

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