I know that my finding out that I'm old is not all that interesting to you.
But it was an earth shattering moment for me.
And it will happen to you someday, time willing.
I know that you don't really want to hear it. But it will.
I'm not a mirror person.
Oh I have mirrors. Lots of them in every room of the house. Placed mainly to move light around, create the illusion of space, or make a point of interest.
I just don't look at my reflection.
I don't interest me, I guess.
I'll look to see if my clothing is right. If there is a smudge on my face, or my hair is straight.
(I don't do makeup daily. Only when I go out to an event.)
So surprise, surprise! I got old when I wasn't looking.
Now I have to face time and its aging process.
I've looked the Grim Reaper in the face a few times already.
I think that I didn't believe I'd get this far.
But here I am.
Feeling alone, lost and asking for help.
With no extended family support any longer and no local Goth community to go to, where can this old Goth go for support, comfort and friendship but the Goth family she has adopted as her own on the web.
But at the moment I'm feeling a bit like the hot potato that hit the floor and got all smashed so nobody wants it any longer.
I am sorry if I'm talking about something you can't relate to or would rather avoid. But at the moment I need to know that someone out there still wants me around a while longer. My family doesn't.
Is it time for me to just fade away? Stop blogging? Crawl in a corner and die?
No, I'm not suicidal. Just a little tired of rejection. And sitting in a room full of people all talking and laughing with each other and finding myself alone again, shunted off into a corner, just left me feel sad yesterday.
The center is great fun when there is an activity but a very lonely place when you have no friends there. The wait between class's can be tiring when you're being systematically ignored again for being the strange one in the room.
If I'm not useful here, I'll go away. No one likes listening to ever expanding silence when they've shown a need for a hug.
A little hug, Please?