One More Down

Because I've been troubled of late with broken family issues I did feel a small sigh of "Glad that is over." blues a bit by the end of the day.

My memory harkened back to large family gatherings at Grandma's house.  Good food!  Good conversation!  Good times!

Grandma was a wonder of diplomacy, strong but in a loving kind way, the kind of person you just wanted to be good for.  We all were better people at grandma's house, and we thanked her for it.  She was a good cook too.  (And she loved me for who I was.)

By the time she died, there were no less than 27 at her table(s) in her small little house for Thanksgiving.

Those lovely crammed holidays were wonderful.  We played together, laughed together, enjoyed each other.

I will always miss it...  Or maybe just miss her.

I am moving forward.  I know that I will get use to the fact that those days have been gone from my life for a long time now.  And that they are not coming back.

Mountain Man and I had a lovely time of our own yesterday.  We shared our little feast with the dog and cat.  We sat and watched the parade and football together.  We played a game.  We looked over the snowy landscape out the window and snuggled by the woodstove.

It wasn't a Grandma Thanksgiving, but it was wonderful in its own right.

I'm gonna' get the hang of this new life I have.  And I think I'll be a lot better for it.

Happy Thanksgiving Day to all

Have a Happy Thanksgiving all who are celebrating today.

And Then It Snowed Charlie Brown

Still sick but feeling some what better.

Snow for today 4 to 8 inches.  More, less?  I'm still staying inside this time around.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Today I'll rest.  Do a little decorating for tomorrow.

And dream up replacements, for the things I didn't shop for because I was sick, that were suppose to grace the table.

Let me see...

Apple Crumble for the Pumpkin Pie.

Cranberry Tea instead of Cranberry Sauce (Gotta have those Cranberries in there.)

Bread Pudding instead of Dressing.  (Grandma always made her bread pudding out of stale cake.  And I'm still too tired to bake bread from scratch.  I don't have one of those bread machine things.  And we're out of bread.)

And the rest I still have to figure out.

Thankful anyway.  We're gonna' have a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving around here this year.

Getting Colder. Warmer? Colder!

So we went to the doctor/clinic.

Mountain Man has a cold.

I have a sinus infection (Again!) and strep throat.  On with the meds.

How does he do that.  He so rarely gets sick.  And never as bad as I do.

Anyway I'm to bed.

Tissues?  Check!

Book?  Check!

Knitting?  Check!

Nook?  Check!  (Youtube music and solitair.)

Mug of soup?  Check!  (Black bean. Yum!)

See you when I can think straight again.

Time Slides Sickwise

Is it me or time itself sliding sideways?

I just can't get a hold of it these days.

Holiday prep, hunting season about to start for Mountain Man, being sick, and new patterns in both of our lives with the seasons changing.  (Winter coming early again this year.)

In truth I'm not the only one around here having trouble with time.

The pets are still fighting the time change with the daylight savings time change.  Its now a demand for two feedings an hour apart.

Mountain Man keeps on asking me 'What day is it?' to the point that I just point to the calendar to the first day with no 'X' through it every time he gets a quizzical look on his face.

Mountain Man and I have been fighting a head cold kind of thing that won't quit and changes from day to day.  One day nose, next throat, after that nose again, then ears, and on and on.  If its Tuesday, I must need throat lozenges, kind of thing.  But its Monday and my head is all stuffy and my eyes keep on watering and its hard to see what I'm doing.  (Blink, blink.)  Where did I leave those blasted tissues again?

Time does take on a strange quality when one is sick.  Its a good thing we are not going anywhere for Thanksgiving or having anyone here this year.  This years plan is for a quiet, low key holiday and I think we need it.

And if this sick thing doesn't improve by the weekend.  Mountain Man is going to have to miss the first day of deer hunting season next monday.  I'm not letting him out with a gun in the woods if he's been feeling anything like I have for the last few days.  He'd trip on a tree and shoot himself in the back.

How can a teeny tiny little germ you can't even see lay one so low, and make one so stupid all of a sudden?

I keep on getting out of bed and doing my daily thing because its not that bad of a head cold, no fever or anything.  But still the time keep on slipping sickwises.

It just might be time to call the doctor.

Mind Slip

Sorry I didn't post yesterday.  It slipped my mind.

I went to the computer completely ready, willing and able to blog.  But I started with reading other peoples postings... and the dog needed to go out first... and the cat fell a sleep on the window sill and fell off...  And we laughed until we cried because she didn't get hurt just insulted.

And I walked away to start my day thinking I was done, but I didn't get back to my blogging.

So I'll start a new streak of daily blogging today.

I hope you have something to laugh about in your day too.  We are still laughing about that silly cat.

More like a Moth

I have to say that I am sorry to anyone that had a troubling time with my little breakdown.  I had a need that was not being filled in any other way so I came to my Gothy cyber friends.  Some wonderful people came to my aid.  (I thank them with all I have to give in my humble heart.)  I am bruised and dusty but I will get up and move on.

You’d have thought I wouldn’t need people like those in my family in my life and I’d be happy to be well rid of them.  But I kept on telling myself that they are family and diluting myself that in being family it would eventually work out to the good.

In total it is not as bad as when I lost my son in a car accident fifteen years ago. That this loss of unsupportive harpies would not compare, but in some ways I think it made the loss worse.   They knew I had been through the hell fire of loss already and they chose to be cruel anyway.  Conspired to be.  I was still fragile where family funerals were concerned and that was when they chose to strike.

Enter helpful Gothy cyber friends:
So after a few cyber hugs my Gothy heart was restarted and I unfolded my rumple wings like a moth from a cocoon.

I am not a phoenix.  I didn’t rise triumphant from the ashes.   But I do rise with the help of others who are stronger than me at the moment or if not strong physically, they are understanding and giving which is a different kind of strength.  

I will, no doubt, hover too close to persons who will cause me pain once again.  It is part of relationships to have some conflict and to grow from the experience.

I also know that I am not totally healed yet.  That will take a bit more time.

All in all I am better off without those family members in my life.  No one needs a pack of mean vindictive people hanging around them.  It sours everything that is good.  It was the loss of hope that broke me.  Hope that some day true acceptance would come about.  False hope to be sure.

But hope is the candle in the dark.  The flame to which we flit.  It keeps us alive to live another day.  It lights our dreams.

Today I am a moth.

Is anybody there?

I know that my finding out that I'm old is not all that interesting to you.

But it was an earth shattering moment for me.

And it will happen to you someday, time willing.

I know that you don't really want to hear it.  But it will.

I'm not a mirror person.

Oh I have mirrors.  Lots of them in every room of the house.  Placed mainly to move light around, create the illusion of space, or make a point of interest.

I just don't look at my reflection.

I don't interest me, I guess.

I'll look to see if my clothing is right.  If there is a smudge on my face, or my hair is straight.

(I don't do makeup daily.  Only when I go out to an event.)

So surprise, surprise!  I got old when I wasn't looking.

Now I have to face time and its aging process.

I've looked the Grim Reaper in the face a few times already.

I think that I didn't believe I'd get this far.

But here I am.

Feeling alone, lost and asking for help.

With no extended family support any longer and no local Goth community to go to, where can this old Goth go for support, comfort and friendship but the Goth family she has adopted as her own on the web.

But at the moment I'm feeling a bit like the hot potato that hit the floor and got all smashed so nobody wants it any longer.

I am sorry if I'm talking about something you can't relate to or would rather avoid.  But at the moment I need to know that someone out there still wants me around a while longer.  My family doesn't.

Is it time for me to just fade away?  Stop blogging?   Crawl in a corner and die?

No, I'm not suicidal.  Just a little tired of rejection.  And sitting in a room full of people all talking and laughing with each other and finding myself alone again, shunted off into a corner, just left me feel sad yesterday.

The center is great fun when there is an activity but a very lonely place when you have no friends there.  The wait between class's can be tiring when you're being systematically ignored again for being the strange one in the room.

If I'm not useful here, I'll go away.  No one likes listening to ever expanding silence when they've shown a need for a hug.

A little hug, Please?

In a Questionable Mood

Okay I'll admit it.  I've been in a mood.

I had hoped it would break or dissolve away and I could get on with life.

But it didn't and I'll have to learn to adjust I guess.

I joined a Senior Center.  Yes, one of those places for old farts to park for the day because they have no where else to go to get out of the house.

But its not like that really.  Its more like a club where we all the members remember where we were when JFK died.

I'll admit that my Gothy self is a bit shy of the place.  Sunny and bright, busy and festive, games and lots of things to do.  All types of exercise classes and dancing too.

For a mere five dollars a year I get to miss the odd looks at the college gym as I trudged off to yoga class that cost me eight dollars a session with young things that can make their bodys do the most...  You get the picture.

So I switched.  I'm now with my own set....   What!!!!!

So I'm old.  Wrinkly...  A S-e-n-i-o-r C-i-t-i-z-e-n.

The trouble is I don't feel old.  I feel the same.

I may not want to hang out with teenagers all the time, but I don't feel like I need to be cast off just yet.

When did this getting old thing happen to me?  Well, to tell the truth, years ago.

I couldn't stop it.

The days just kept on going by.

I've been eligible for some time now.  I fought it.

'Not for me.'  I said.  'Not a place for gothy types.'  'Too happy in a very sad sort of way.'  'It has bingo.'  (Enough said.)

I go at least once a week now.  Belly dancing, Tai chi, group jigsaw puzzles, crafting groups, knitting/crochet groups, line dancing, aerobics...  The list goes on.

Some people still stare.  But the comments now are more likely to be 'My grandson/daughter wears that stuff and I kinda like it, but I can't tell my son/daughter that.'

So I guess I'll just have to get use to the fact that I'm getting older.  Thing is, I think I'm gonna' try to find the fun in doing it.  And some of that fun is at my Senior Center.  Go figure!

Forgetful Fear

Looking at the screen here I ran a blank.

I did have some things to say when I sat down.

Don't you hate when that happens.

It doesn't make me feel old.  (Mountain Man always asks me that questions when it happens as we talk.)

This 'running a blank' has happened to me all my life.

It makes me feel small and lost.

As a child I would occasionally get lost.  It didn't frighten me.  I just went about rectifying the situation.

But having a memory hiccup does.  It is more than being lost in a place.  It is a disconnect to everything.  Set adrift for a moment.  No safety.  No tether.  What if I can't get back?

I look at people who are old and feeble, lost in their own minds and it makes me shudder.  It was the hardest part of my job as an elder care worker.

Yes, I and others were there to take care of their bodies, but where were they stuck in their heads.  Was it a beautiful peaceful place?  Or were they stuck in a place feeling lost and small and all alone?

My greatest fear is being stuck in that place.  And worse yet my care takers are not likely to dress me in the dark Victorian funeral wear I so enjoy.

I'll be stuck in a place of loud bright colors.  Unable to scream for help.  Lost and small and all alone unable to communicate until I die.

That scares the ba-gee-bers out of me.

Where was I again…Changes

Okay, now that the house is back to some semblance of order.  I’m feeling slow but much better than I had been and food has now been restocked.

Back to business.   Let’s see where was I…

Facebook?  No. I’ve beaten that dead horse.
Halloween?  No.  That one has pass for this year.

On to the next holiday.

Thanksgiving.

So the pilgrims wanted to worship and moved to the new world.  They did their harvest festival thing, also thanking their god, and this American overeating holiday is born.

There has always been harvest feasts to be sure.  But here in the states we have perfected the art of poultry gluttony.  People, mostly in family groups, will get together.  Tables will groan with piles of food.  Over fed turkeys with stuffing inside will be consumed to excess.  And we will all call it good.

This will be followed by a dessert starring pumpkin pie among other treats and goodies.

There will be parades and football.  Leftovers will be distributed.  Holiday shopping will be planned.

I do mock.  I complain yearly that the day has been consumed with apathy and greed.

But still I participate.

I will roast the perfect bird.  Stuffing will dress the table.  Over eating will commence.

Not by me mind you.  I’m allergic to poultry.  I don’t do gluten and there are eggs in that pumpkin pie.  Allergies again.

This in no way colors my take on the holiday.  I used to do all of those things in abundance before my poultry allergy blossomed.

Together my husband, Mountain Man, and I will do the traditional thing as we do every year.  He with his traditional food and football while I do my fake versions of the foods on my side of the table after watching the parade.  We will eat too much.  Complain about the leftovers in the frig.   And eat some more.

It leaves me lacking.  Maybe it is the fact that my family is so fractured and has been for some time.  I’ll never again have those family Thanksgivings at my grandmothers house like I used to when I was young.

Its not the food it’s the love of extended family that is gone from my life.

I will take on a new outlook.  I must if I’m to survive the day.

Its not my losses but the abundance I have that I will concentrate on, as it should be.

And I will be thankful.

Getting Better, I Think???

So I've been in bed with an ear infection for a few days.

I'm feeling some what better and felt that I could contribute to the household chores once more.

But to my surprise my being sick apparently gave the house permission to go mess happy.

I'm not naming names here, but someone didn't put things away.  Anything away.

I understand about laundry and dishes piling high.  But in or around the sink/washer.

Not all over the house!

Look here.  I'm not the mess police.  I have made my fair share of clutter.  But really?!?

The house looks like a frat house the day after full party mode.

I know that we all have our jobs to do.  You're busy and so am I.

But when did I become your private maid?  When did you stop pulling your weight?  When did you forget that dropping and dumping things was not a grown up way to live?

I just want to go back to bed but I won't.  I'm too afraid of what would happen next.

Gotta, go clean something to make myself feel better.

Now I never thought I'd be saying that in my lifetime.  But some how it is true.

What just happened here.

I must have woken in an alternate reality.  He got messy and I got a cleaning bug.

Hope to be up and about soon

Been too sick to knit!

Facebook Bad - Social Games Good

Okay now, the title really tells it all.

Facebook has been collecting things it really shouldn’t about you and hopes that you will spend all your time there and spend all your money there too.  Very Bad!!!

Social Games are fun to play but you can find them free elsewhere.  There is a listing here to get you started.

Most require an email account to play and/or have in your face advertising.  To avoid ads and requests to your personal email by make a new separate email persona and use it for all your gaming sites.

Some games require you to actively recruit friends.

There are old games, new games, and even cute Hello Kitty games and all for free.  From small single player games to large multi player MMORPG worlds.

So far I’ve found that Big Farm plays the most like ‘Royal Story’ but there is no cute main character.  You can find it by the link above or other places on line to play.

Up side of Big Farm - you don’t have to actively ask friends to join up.  You can make your own co-op or join one looking for members.  There are small noises that go off when something needs your attention so you can get up from your screen and still play.

Down side - you can only build, or up grade, one building at a time and they can take a long time to build.  The music is repetitive but can be easily turned off.

Lots of side quests, goals and challenges, most with no time limit.   Missions have a time limit for you to gather the most of a called for item, against a small group of other random players.  Win or loose nets you needed stuff.  And there are roaming worker that randomly have a question mark over their heads every few seconds.  Run your cursor over them for random stuff from money to goods.

Work your way up the levels to make a dream farm world of your own.  They kind of hit you hard at first trying to get you to do too many things at once.  But if you take your time you’ll easily get the hang of it.  The pace goes up and down depending on your choices.

If you are looking for other types of games like the Match 3 type King Games has a lot of their games on facebook.  Free at the homes site Candy Crush Saga, Pet Rescue…  as do other sites.

True some games are only on facebook but we don’t need facebook to have free game fun.  And I’m not going to spend any of my time there.

Enough said!

Facebook - Now that is Scary.

Facebook - Now that is Scary.

Okay, so I tried to get into my old facebook account to shut it down.  I figured that if I’m not ever going to use it again why confuse people?

I made a typing misstep and got all caught up in their newer security measures.

They asked for my cell phone number.

Great, there is no cell phone number attached to that account because I didn’t have a cell phone back when I got on.

I try to get around the question.

Surely with all the people out there on facebook others have not filled in that particular blank or like me had no cell phone number at the time they started their account.

I tried further.  Thinking that, like other sites, I would receive a reply via email with a way past this mess.

But no.  What they then wanted was my Social Security Identification number.  What does facebook want with my SSI number?  Why are they even asking?

Yes, it is good that facebook has security measures in place but why use that kind of personal info.

If facebook ever gets hacked a lot of people are up a creek without a paddle.

But I won’t be one of them.  Lady E never gives her real birthday out, ever!

Let me know if you find a place with similar games with no friends attached.  I just love those collection and expansion of lands with little or no battles, where I can put the houses and stuff anywhere I want.  But I don’t love them enough to risk the jokers at facebook with giving them my personal info.

One trip down ID theft was more than enough for me.

For you who want out of this madness.  The ways to delete your facebook account are here.

I Won!!! I Won!!!!

I won the Halloween contest over at Goth Gardener.

It was for a Shovel related posting for Halloween.

I wrote a story titled 'The Shovel' over at Thrill or Shiver.

Vain bugger that I am, I took bragging rights for a prize.

I don't need anything else right now.  Well nothing that can be but in a box and sent through the post.

Health and friends can't be put in a box.  And who can't use more of both of them.

I'm going to sit on my winnings and smile the day away.

By the way I wasn't the only winner.  Lucretia's Reflection won for her pictures of Shovels in a Halloween way.  Fun stuff!

Looking forward to more fun again next year.

About This Facebook Game Thing?

So a nice neighbor let me try her Royal Story game on facebook.  She hadn’t played it in so long that even she was lost as to what was going on.  Apparently she had been playing Royal Story with her grandkids one summer when it first came out, but it became TOO time consuming and they all deserted it for fun in the sun.

I worked on the game for about an hour and liked some of what was going on.

The available land was so crammed full of apparently necessary stuff that it wasn’t easily workable.  And it didn’t look good either.

There was a machine I needed but I couldn’t place it for lack of available space.  So that quest was put on hold.

It was a lot of hurry up and wait stuff.  Hurry make this thing and wait 3 hours for it to arrive finished.

Also much of what needed to be done had ‘get it from friends’ attached.  And as there were no friends left to get anything from.  I was stumped there too.

The advertising was in your face.  This is obviously a ploy to make money off of the game addicted among us.  (We will frustrate you until you give us money to start the cycle all over again.  Rinse, lather, repeat.)  I’m not spending one dollar, one dime, one penny on a game that is trying so hard to get me to do so.

They also want you spending all your time on facebook playing.  Morning, Noon and Night!  (Hang with us and you will receive wonderful prizes in just 16 hours, 3 minutes and 47 seconds.)

But these are virtual prizes and meant only pull you further into the game.

I have a life.  I can and will only spend a few hours a day playing games on the computer.


Yet, still it intrigued me.  I do love this kind of collection/expansion game.  For a few hours I was really thinking about getting back on facebook again and playing some of those games.  But I’m not out to spending my days frustrated on games that are just using me to try to make money.

So I’m asking you.

Should I take the time to make a new profile just for gaming over on facebook?

(Say, something like; Spider S. Webb, Black Widow, Freak N. Stine, or Shadow E. Corners.   I got a million of them.)

Do you play Facebook collection type games and which ones do you suggest for me?

Am I asking for trouble if I do try facebook again?

I really do want your opinion here.

Daylight Savings Time

I have a love hate relationship with the concept.  And I still haven’t caught up with it a day later.

For those of you who do not know what it is, I’ll explain.
In the warmer months people wanted to have more daylight time after work to have fun and get things done on their off time.  Changing the schedules of every work place was far too complicated.  So if all the clocks were to be set ahead one hour, everyone would be on the same page and happy.  In the colder months of the year we can go back to the time set about by our rightful place on the imaginary grid covering the earth that rules these things along with the rest of the planets people.  (Longer version here.)

Sounds great!  More time for fun in the sun.  Right?

I am not a sun worshiper.  In fact I hide from it most of the time.  And making me move my natural rhythms messes me up quite a bit.  This also refers to my pets; a dog and cat who like, no demand, to have their meals on ‘pet’ standard time.

I have trouble with time as a whole.  It doesn’t comply with my wishes.  It speeds up and slows down at the most incontinent opportunities.  It puts undue pressure on me.

And on two days a year, one forward and one back, I have to change the time on no less than nine clocks in my house.  (Not counting computers and other devices that fix themselves.)

Yes, that does sound excessive for a seven and a half room house.   But time escapes me if not kept firmly in my face.

So I spent much time changing and dusting off, (I was there already so why not kill two birds with one stone.) the many time pieces in my house yesterday.

But still it gives me hope.  If a society can manipulate time… I may some day get the hang of it or mould it to my will.  Ha, ha!

Well the dog got me up at 3:00AM this morning.  He was protesting the time change on the food schedule with an excessively early nature call, I think.  I was too tired to care as I let him out of the door.

Maybe I hold up false hope.  Time ‘is’ and I must accept that I’ll never get the true hang of it.  Time will tell…

Clarification

Okay let me clarify something here about my last post.

My mother doesn’t tell me what to do or how to look.  (She does express what she likes in her quest for her version of a perfect world.)

I am technically a senior citizen myself.  I have defiance down to a science already.

Truth be told (and I know that you don’t really want to hear this) you reach a time in your life where its not all about yourself anymore.

Your parents are getting older and you know that they won’t be around forever.  You want to make them happy in their last days, weeks, months, years… what ever… of their lives.  (They have enough troubles in their lives already in bodies that are running down.  And don’t get me started about their friends getting sick and dieing off in droves.)

So toning down the Goth stuff when I visit them just to make them happy doesn’t feel like a big thing to do.  (And besides that I’ve ruined way too many of the family photos moments for them in my life already putting my happiness first.)

I’m a Mother and Grandmother myself.  I’d like to have the Addams Family version of a family portrait.  But I also wouldn’t dream of insisting that my parents, husband, kids and grandkids be dressed in a manner that wasn’t themselves.  I just don’t live in an Addams Family type of situation.  Few Goths do.

So: you win some, you loose some, and you let other win sometimes just to see them happy.

I have the rest of my life to do what I want in.  And when you think about it, most of my hours are devoted to my comfort and Gothiness.  The people around me benefit from my happiness in my Goth state.

And those that don’t appreciate it have lost out on what I can give them to enrich their lives.

So I hope that my parents appreciate what I do for them in love and kindness.  And that they also know in their hearts that a loving Goth daughter is what I have been.  And I will always be Goth on the inside, no matter what the outside looks like.  I just don't have to be in your face about it all of the time.

Sorry about that facebook friends

Okay I get the facebook thing.  A little.  But I am not there.

I mean I am there, I have a page, but I never go there to check out my page.

It’s not you, its me!  I am not gathering friends there.  All those many friend requests that show up in my email box end up in my spam folder because I set it so that anything from facebook ends up there.

I am not ignoring you.   I’m not there on facebook to friend you or anyone else.  I don’t even remember my password.  (And I can’t get the old one from facebook because I can’t remember what I put in for security question answers.  I tried.
)

I was on facebook for one day many years ago.  And it took me days to finally come out from under the bed.

And I still don’t get this “Friend me” stuff from strangers that didn’t like my Gothy self but just wanted to win the game of having more friends than their neighbor.  I felt like a dented ping pong ball, always going off to the side.  (Go somewhere else to play and leave me alone!)

And than there was the hate thing.

Personally there were family issues that played into it.  Enemy issues too.  And my mother hit the roof because some family members threatened to out me as her daughter on her page also.

My family doesn’t get the Goth thing.  They stopped waiting for me to out grow it and just let their disapproval show full strength all the time.  They also don’t know about acceptance and forgiveness.  But that is a different subject.

My mother loves me and has a ‘live and let live’ attitude about it most of the time.  But still doesn’t want any negative feed back coming her way.  Her church friends don’t approve.  (Mama says, ‘Isn’t that nice dear, but just leave it at home please.  You can show it to me when I come there.’)

(And yes I am an old lady who still has a mother.  An older old lady.  And Don’t even think about saying it its cute.  I‘ll bite you.)

And what is it with people thinking they can ask me personal questions?  And dissing me if I don’t give them an answer that they like.  (Like, I don’t know you and most of my friends don’t know this stuff about me.  And guess what?  It is none of your business what my sex life is like!)

I didn’t go on facebook to tell all my dirty little secrets either.  (So go away already!)

I did want to get into some of the games there.  Collection and land expansion without the war stuff.  But it was soon obvious that what facebook wanted was my money to keep it going.  And you just can’t get those types of games anywhere any longer.  The makers of these games make way too much money for their games on those social websites.  I still wish that they did sell single player versions for people like me also.

So save yourself some time and stop friending me on facebook.  I’m not at home there.

Someday I may go back and try again with a new page.  But for now my enemies live there and I’m too old to want to deal with that in your face trash anymore.  I have better things to do with my time.  And besides you can visit me any time you like here at my blog if you have something you want to say to me.  I’m here and I’m listening to my accepting friends.

Serious Discussion on the Scary Side of Goth.

I should have put this up before Halloween, but now is better than never.

I’d like to discuss scaring children with your Gothness.  We don’t want to scare them away.  (Well, not always.)

If I’m going to be at a place that will have kids when I’m all Gothed out, I like to be prepared.

Remember: Kindly smiles at them doesn’t always work.  Some see it as ‘I think you look delicious. Can I bite you?’

And filling your pockets with candy for them is not appreciated by the parents.  (And don’t forget the ‘Don’t take candy from strangers’ rule.  Few things are as strange as Goths.)

At times I do have trinkets/toys in my bag to hand out.  But I only give them after asking the parents first.  (Plastic Spider or Skull rings, Fun/spooky stickers, or things like that.)

But talking to them in a calm soothing voice about ‘not’ scary things seems to work best.  But be prepared, questions will soon follow.

Questions like “Why do you look like that?” can be handled in a lot of different ways.  And answering with, “Oh, did my [Insert body part here.] fall off again.  Help me look for it.“  might sound like fun in your head.  But…  Joking works better with adults.  Kids don’t always get the gag.  And confusing them only adds to their fright.

Questions and Answers (Your choices may need to be age appropriate.)

Q: Why do you like scary things?  (Besides the obvious, Why do you like the things you do?  Come back. Most kids hate that one.  They want to understand things.)
A: Some times its fun to be scared.  Having fun with something makes it a lot less scary.  Or.  I have decided to make friends with what scars me so it isn’t as scary anymore.  Or.  Fire Trucks can be scary, but they help people and you’ve learned not to be scared of them.

Q: Why do you like scaring people by how you look?
A: I don’t like to scare others if they don‘t like it.  I’m sorry if how I look scares you.  Or.  On the inside we all look the same.  The outside doesn’t count.  Or.  Even scary monsters are nice sometimes.  Or.  The Fire Trucks thing if you didn’t use it before.

Q: Why do you look so scary if people don’t like it?
A: I like it.  You like other things and dress the way you like.  And the way you dress might be a bit scary to somebody else.

Q: Doesn’t anything scare you?
A:  Yes, of course I get scared too.  We just get scared of different things.  (You can also admit to something that scares you here, but that can open up a whole new list of problems for you.  Pay back maybe?  Kids like to have the power to scare others, but should be old enough to use discretion or someone could get hurt.)

Of course there are also the questions about contact lenses, piercings and tatoos.

Be honest, but not too descriptive.  This child could be a future Goth in the making.

And remember never to suggest that they should get some.  They have plenty of time to make those decisions for themselves later when their parents won’t blame you for it.

Making it fun for them helps a long way toward having a population that accepts our differences and a lot less Goths will be beaten, mocked or ridiculed for their looks that way.