Thursday, December 31, 2009
On New Years Eve 2009:
Here Lies 2009. Like any other year it had its highs and lows. It has its memories for all of us and we will try to remember it fondly, or for others not at all. May its passing bring about a better and more prosperous new year for us all.
I got my free paper toys from Raven Blight. Go there and take a look, a read, a listen, or play a video game. (I used a mix of both the Cemetery set and the Hearst set to make my death year setup. I also added the Grim Reaper this year.)
________________________________________
Hi Friends and Readers,
I’m wishing all of you the best life has to offer on this night of endings and beginnings.
Have a fresh start tomorrow and a much better year ahead then the last.
Enjoy your observance of the holiday and keep out of trouble. Mountain Man and I will be having a Pizza Party and burying the old year.
See you next year.
Hugs, Lady Euphoria
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
On New Years Eve Prep:
Last year my New Years Eve plans fell through because of an ice storm.
Every year, whether it is just the two of us or a house full, we have a build your own pizza party and spend the afternoon making a few different sauces, chopping all kinds of veggies and shredding a variety of cheeses.
When the guests arrive we chop up their contributions and cook up what meat products that are being added. I make the dough and give each person their own personal pizza crust.
We talk and come up with different pizza topping combinations while sipping fruit punch or wine and remembering the fun we had in the last year.
When the pizzas are done cooking we eat and trade bites. We even write down the best combos and start planning new and even better combos for our next pizza party.
As a kid at midnight I’d bury a small box or jar with the year drawn in a coffin and sometimes a few trinkets inside it in the cemetery down the block from my house on New Years Eve.
I’d bury the old dead year and start the new year wondering why no one else I knew did the same thing.
So after the pizza party for two, on midnight last year I buried 2008 in a cemetery, something I hadn’t done for years. I down loaded and printed out some of Raven Blight's free paper toys last minute and made my own paper cemetery for burying the old year. (I wasn’t willing to brave the ice storm myself.)
We are not having guests this year. Mountain Man and I have been sick this last week and not up for cleaning the house for a party. But the pizza fixings are in the fridge and the paper cemetery is out on the table.
You know where I’ll be at midnight tomorrow. Burying 2009 and welcoming in 2010. Today I have to go to Raven’s Blight web site (He has games, stories and other stuff there too.) for a new coffin for this years death.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
On Euphoria the Red Nosed:
For the last few days I’ve been shabby grubby sick.
You know the kind I mean. Propped up on pillows in bed, amongst piles of used tissues and depending on others to prepare food for you or just eating out of the can. Forget about proper hygiene.
I am showered and in a fresh flannel night gown at the moment, with a cup of tea and honey at my side.
So being on a more presentable level I decided to pop my head out of the covers and say ‘Hi’ while my hair dries.
Okay I am still wrapped in a blanket while I type with one finger, because one hand is holding the blanket on and closed around my shoulders. (Ignore the rapidly growing pile of tissues on the floor. The steam in the bathroom made my red nose run even more.)
Mountain Man brought Sir Laidback to the Vet for his recheck. The dog is still on his meds, but doing much better. He is not scratching near as much and playing with (Okay, hogging) the dog toys more. This is to Lady Long (the dashund)’s long suffering, eye rolling disgust.
The Vet thinks Sir Laidback is closer to seven years old rather than five as we were told at the SPCA.
No other new news at Deathwatch Manor. The world kept on turning while I slept. I’ll look in on you in a few days when I’m not feeling as dreadful.
Until then, Happy Holidays everybody.
You know the kind I mean. Propped up on pillows in bed, amongst piles of used tissues and depending on others to prepare food for you or just eating out of the can. Forget about proper hygiene.
I am showered and in a fresh flannel night gown at the moment, with a cup of tea and honey at my side.
So being on a more presentable level I decided to pop my head out of the covers and say ‘Hi’ while my hair dries.
Okay I am still wrapped in a blanket while I type with one finger, because one hand is holding the blanket on and closed around my shoulders. (Ignore the rapidly growing pile of tissues on the floor. The steam in the bathroom made my red nose run even more.)
Mountain Man brought Sir Laidback to the Vet for his recheck. The dog is still on his meds, but doing much better. He is not scratching near as much and playing with (Okay, hogging) the dog toys more. This is to Lady Long (the dashund)’s long suffering, eye rolling disgust.
The Vet thinks Sir Laidback is closer to seven years old rather than five as we were told at the SPCA.
No other new news at Deathwatch Manor. The world kept on turning while I slept. I’ll look in on you in a few days when I’m not feeling as dreadful.
Until then, Happy Holidays everybody.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
On Under a Blanket:
We are under a blanket of snow here at Deathwatch Manor. And I went back to bed.
I should have known. Odd dreams, feeling uneasy about my craft projects, extra cranky about housework…
You guessed it… I woke up sick.
I’m miserable and tired, but for the moment pretending not to be.
The weather outside is frightful, but in here I’m playing seasonal music. And I don’t have no where to go, I’ll let Mountain Man move the snow.
Winter Solstice is tomorrow and I have to be ready to party. So I’m breaking out the box of extra soft tissues.
Have a great holiday season everyone!
I should have known. Odd dreams, feeling uneasy about my craft projects, extra cranky about housework…
You guessed it… I woke up sick.
I’m miserable and tired, but for the moment pretending not to be.
The weather outside is frightful, but in here I’m playing seasonal music. And I don’t have no where to go, I’ll let Mountain Man move the snow.
Winter Solstice is tomorrow and I have to be ready to party. So I’m breaking out the box of extra soft tissues.
Have a great holiday season everyone!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
On Mixed Up Dreams:
I woke up to a dream. In this dream, I was an early teenager in the house I grew up in and my son was there. He was about seven in the dream and having trouble finding his teddy bear so he could go to sleep.
There were many bears in the house to choose from, but his was not among them. We talked of other things like people do when looking for something. Games he liked and what his friend were up to, what we were having for dinner and how growing things like to face the sun.
I woke upset. Partly because we never did find that bear in the dream and partly because I didn’t tell him how much I loved him before it was over.
The house I grew up in is no longer standing. My son is dead and gone. But I have that teddy bear in a box with a few of his other things.
The thing that feels wrong is the mix of things. My being about thirteen and he was seven. This was my childhood home and not the house he grew up in. And although he kept the bear from his childhood he didn’t play with or use it after the age of five. In fact it was not his favorite toy by a long run.
I never remember him sleeping with it. He favored hard plastic action figures and wooden blocks as bed pals.
Did I feel the need for some comforting? Was I feeling child like and at loose ends or lost? Or was it just some random memories mixed together to make a story in my mind?
I don’t know what it was saying, but I do know it made me miss my son all over again like he was here just yesterday.
Some dreams help and other are upsetting. But this one left me feeling empty and lost.
I hope all your dreams make your world a better place.
There were many bears in the house to choose from, but his was not among them. We talked of other things like people do when looking for something. Games he liked and what his friend were up to, what we were having for dinner and how growing things like to face the sun.
I woke upset. Partly because we never did find that bear in the dream and partly because I didn’t tell him how much I loved him before it was over.
The house I grew up in is no longer standing. My son is dead and gone. But I have that teddy bear in a box with a few of his other things.
The thing that feels wrong is the mix of things. My being about thirteen and he was seven. This was my childhood home and not the house he grew up in. And although he kept the bear from his childhood he didn’t play with or use it after the age of five. In fact it was not his favorite toy by a long run.
I never remember him sleeping with it. He favored hard plastic action figures and wooden blocks as bed pals.
Did I feel the need for some comforting? Was I feeling child like and at loose ends or lost? Or was it just some random memories mixed together to make a story in my mind?
I don’t know what it was saying, but I do know it made me miss my son all over again like he was here just yesterday.
Some dreams help and other are upsetting. But this one left me feeling empty and lost.
I hope all your dreams make your world a better place.
Labels:
Leakings From My Brain:,
My Life
Friday, December 18, 2009
On Un-Finished Objects or UFO’s:
My thumb is getting better and I’ve started knitting again. I started a simple striped, purple and gray scarf. Something strait and easy to get my hands in shape and loosened up for more strenuous knitting again.
But this leads to guilt. Yes guilt! Because, I have so many UFO around here.
Mittens, socks, the throw for my bed (Yes, it is still on the needles over a year later. Stop laughing at me.), sweaters, hats, and a toy or two. All taking up space, holding my knitting needles hostage.
And don’t get me started about my lace making, sewing, writing my stories, my dolls and their houses, and my other crafting projects.
I took stock of the situation and found I’m not a ‘finisher’ anymore. I’ve gotten lazy and unreliable in the last year or so. Things get left until last minute. The house looks like a herd of buffalo just came through. And I’ve gained back half the weight I worked so hard to loose these last few months.
Time to step up to the plate. I need more then just organization of UFO‘s, I need structure. I can’t get things done by the seat of my pants anymore. (Those pants are lost in the laundry pile and don’t fit me right now anyway.)
I want to just attack the knitting boxes and bags ticking off projects one by one, but that won’t help me get back on my weight loss schedule and leaves no time for writing or other things.
So, until the end of January I’m committing to clearing up most all of the different UFO’s around here. But I have to get a handle on the Unfinished things while not loosing ground on my life. A schedule to an end. No running around just mopping up messes, but a systematic time oriented attack on chaos.
I just can’t spend hours and hours a day on the internet trolling around or playing video games. If you need me I’ll be wading through the laundry pile and doing dishes, as well as finishing UFO’s and exercising. Taking care of my life as a whole while calming the chaos. And not adding to it with more new started projects. A good goal, don’t you think?
Make a schedule and keep to it. One hour and a half for internet a day… Check!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
On Jigsaw Jungle:
I went to the barn yesterday and got out some of my stash of jigsaw puzzles for this winter. This is just what was in three of the large storage boxes of jigsaw puzzles I own. A pile as tall as me.
The smallest is a 240 pieces and makes a 3D orb puzzle. There are more than one 2000 piece puzzles in that pile, but by far most of them are 1000 pieces.
In the specialty puzzle category I have all edge piece puzzles, double sided puzzles, mystery puzzles (No picture to see what you are making), ‘Who done it’ puzzles (Where you solve the mystery when you put the puzzle together.) and maze puzzles.
Then there are the puzzles pictures of multiple repeat things like marbles, pins and needles, buttons, and the like. For me the harder the better. I’ve even made puzzles upside down, with the card board facing up, just for the challenge.
At one time I swapped puzzles with my father, but he doesn’t jigsaw like he used to. Mountain Man doesn’t share my enjoyment for jigsaw puzzles and has only ‘helped out’ with a few pieces in the twenty years we have been married.
I am also a jigsaw re-do-er. That is to say I have a group of puzzles I do yearly, because I like them that much, and the rest I store for five years or more before doing them over again. I just don’t have the money to keep myself in new puzzles when I can remake the ones I have.
I do add some new puzzles yearly. I am a 750 puzzle piece a day puzzler. If there isn’t a jigsaw on the table I do one on the computer each day.
I have even made jigsaw puzzles for my doll houses. Nutty I know, but why not do what you like to do if it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Then again, it could always be I’m missing some of the puzzle pieces in my head.
Now go find some fun to put into your day. I’ll be doing jigsaw puzzles.
Labels:
My Life,
Pictures from my life:
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
On Slippery when Water Added:
On Sunday, Mountain Man had a meeting a few hours away. His church group was selling boxes of citrus fruit and it was delivery day. He left Sunday morning before ten o’clock to meet the others at the truck drop off point by noon.
For those of you that didn’t know, we in the Northeast had an rain/ice storm on Sunday.
He only made it half way to his destination before the cars in front of him started to slide off the ice covered highway and the traffic stopped. After a few hours the traffic had inched far enough for him to get off an exit and Mountain Man found a hotel near by.
He stayed in a hotel room for a few more hours before it warmed enough to melt the ice and he could start for home. But by then thick fog was forming.
I was beside myself with worry as I watched the news, that was when the electricity wasn’t off from the storm. With so many accidents piling up, even more roads were being closed because they had run out of emergency equipment to send out and clear up the accidents out there.
He finally made it home, late in the evening, with some little slippage and narrowly missed accidents around him as he went.
We watched the news together that night to see the even bigger pileups that were caused by the thick fog and wet roads after the ice storm passed. Those involved only had injuries and no fatalities, thank the powers that be.
Mountain Man was out retrieving and delivering his fruit on Monday and Tuesday without any trouble. And now I can tell the tale to its end.
I hate foul weather. And I hope that anyone ever has to be out in it ever again. Be safe out there please.
For those of you that didn’t know, we in the Northeast had an rain/ice storm on Sunday.
He only made it half way to his destination before the cars in front of him started to slide off the ice covered highway and the traffic stopped. After a few hours the traffic had inched far enough for him to get off an exit and Mountain Man found a hotel near by.
He stayed in a hotel room for a few more hours before it warmed enough to melt the ice and he could start for home. But by then thick fog was forming.
I was beside myself with worry as I watched the news, that was when the electricity wasn’t off from the storm. With so many accidents piling up, even more roads were being closed because they had run out of emergency equipment to send out and clear up the accidents out there.
He finally made it home, late in the evening, with some little slippage and narrowly missed accidents around him as he went.
We watched the news together that night to see the even bigger pileups that were caused by the thick fog and wet roads after the ice storm passed. Those involved only had injuries and no fatalities, thank the powers that be.
Mountain Man was out retrieving and delivering his fruit on Monday and Tuesday without any trouble. And now I can tell the tale to its end.
I hate foul weather. And I hope that anyone ever has to be out in it ever again. Be safe out there please.
Labels:
Mountain Man,
My Life
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
On Mind Over Colder:
As you may have noticed there has been a lack of crafting and picture talking from Casa Deathwatch. There is a simple reason. I hurt my thumb a few weeks back and I’m waiting for it to heal. I cut it slicing into a block of cheese, and thou the cut is healing well, there was a small but irritating infection left over.
I have been decorating the house for the winter season. (I don’t do specific holiday decorating.) Boring I know, but a lot less work.
I’ve packed up the autumn leaves and harvest motif and out comes the Icicles, snowflakes and snowmen.
I’m thinking of changing my approach thou. There is a draw back to this approach.
I find that even though the thermometer doesn’t change much inside the house, I feel colder with the fake snow and ice all around me.
There is a warm fire in the woodstove and home knit socks on my feet. I’m warm, but my head doesn’t seem to want to get it. I shiver for no reason, hug my tea mug and add another log on the fire.
I love the sparkle of the icicles and snowflakes as they catch the light. And since the northern hemisphere has been in a short day cycle, joyous energy giving light is at a premium.
Mind you, I like a nice gray over cast day. For me, it is like a day under the covers. And we all know the feeling of wanting to spend the day in bed.
I don’t know how I’d change the decorating if I didn’t do it the way I do. The long winter is too trying without something different to look at around the house that I spend so much time in, in the winter months.
So I’ll sit and shiver again this year, until I get used to the fake winter on the inside of my house.
I think I’ll have another cup of tea.
I have been decorating the house for the winter season. (I don’t do specific holiday decorating.) Boring I know, but a lot less work.
I’ve packed up the autumn leaves and harvest motif and out comes the Icicles, snowflakes and snowmen.
I’m thinking of changing my approach thou. There is a draw back to this approach.
I find that even though the thermometer doesn’t change much inside the house, I feel colder with the fake snow and ice all around me.
There is a warm fire in the woodstove and home knit socks on my feet. I’m warm, but my head doesn’t seem to want to get it. I shiver for no reason, hug my tea mug and add another log on the fire.
I love the sparkle of the icicles and snowflakes as they catch the light. And since the northern hemisphere has been in a short day cycle, joyous energy giving light is at a premium.
Mind you, I like a nice gray over cast day. For me, it is like a day under the covers. And we all know the feeling of wanting to spend the day in bed.
I don’t know how I’d change the decorating if I didn’t do it the way I do. The long winter is too trying without something different to look at around the house that I spend so much time in, in the winter months.
So I’ll sit and shiver again this year, until I get used to the fake winter on the inside of my house.
I think I’ll have another cup of tea.
Labels:
Leakings From My Brain:,
My Life
Monday, December 14, 2009
On Eating My Words:
Had I just gone to the mailbox before I opened my mouth, I wouldn’t have to eat my words. I kind of went off on the website for Kevin’s Mittens the other day.
I was still upset a week later because I was gone from the web for months. I was afraid that people had been giving mittens to the charity of their choice, reporting this to me, and that I had not been able to acknowledge them for their efforts by adding the reports to the total.
The website had been getting hits. Fifty to a hundred and nine a week during the time I was gone. A nice showing, but not one comment or email was left behind.
I was glad that people were stopping by and that some were interested in the free multi-sized mitten pattern I posted there. But I was saddened that not one person wanted to help others in this way.
People help others all the time and I was hoping that my son could be remembered in this way. And as a knitter I know that there are always left over yarn of various colors that can be worked together to made small projects like mittens too clean up the scraps not long enough to use otherwise.
Well I hadn’t been to the mailbox on Saturday and there was a package inside with seven pair of Kevin’s Mittens, along with a note from a family friend.
I will give these mittens to the homeless for her. Not that she couldn’t do the same herself, but it was nice be able to see mittens made by others for the cause.
I’m glad that the site is being used by people needing to know how to make mittens, even if it is not for the unknown needy, and that my son is not forgotten in this way. Hands are being warmed by the mittens inspired by my son and that warms my heart.
Happy mittens everyone! And if you see some after holiday sales with yarn, gloves or mittens at a great price. Think about giving an extra pair of mittens to someone that may need them in Kevin’s name.
Labels:
Kevin's Mittens,
My Life,
Projects
Sunday, December 13, 2009
On Reformed Grouch:
The last few days I’ve been a grouch. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Under my own black rain cloud. Not my sunny self.
No excuses. Just life’s ups and downs.
Nothing more then it was spent. Past. Used up.
I’m back and ready to have some fun. I should have broken out my wings days ago, but I just didn’t feel like it.
The holidays season is upon us! Life is too short to grump and grouch all day. Lets party!
I hope you can find some fun in each and every day. I sure will try.
No excuses. Just life’s ups and downs.
Nothing more then it was spent. Past. Used up.
I’m back and ready to have some fun. I should have broken out my wings days ago, but I just didn’t feel like it.
The holidays season is upon us! Life is too short to grump and grouch all day. Lets party!
I hope you can find some fun in each and every day. I sure will try.
Labels:
My Life,
Observations
Saturday, December 12, 2009
On Wanting My Memories Back:
I’ve complained about this before. Not that it made one bit of difference of course. But my memory has been shot full of holes since the chemo. I want my memories back.
Part of the joy of holidays is remembering the good times of the past. This for me is a double edged sword. Past memories are all mixed up with my son’s life. And though it has been ten years since his death, I still hurt at times at some of the memories I do have.
What I want is more of the good memories back. Remembering pinching little fingers in a door or being disappointed about a broken vase is not what I want to remember of his life. I want happy laughter and pleasant surprise times. Presents and wrappings, songs and fun, games and winnings, reading books and walks in the park.
I do remember some of these things, but the family talks about so many others I have no memory of. Why did the chemo erase more of the good times and less of the bad.
I want to remember the joy of his receiving his first bicycle not just the skinned knee from his first crash on it.
I’ve been shrinking back from participating in holiday festivities more and more each year since my son’s death. The fact that Mountain Man grew up in a family that minimized holidays leaving him a non participant even at the best of years doesn’t help matters much.
Try as I might, I can’t retrieve what is gone for good. There are no children in the house to help create new memories for my cash of good time memories for next year. And lets face it, most of holiday fun is designed for children’s pleasure and ours from the observing of it.
I’ve tried to make fun grownup holiday fun but that only leads to over eating in my singular celebrations and the months of extra exercise and dieting to fix the damage.
This year all I’ve done was color a picture a day in a holiday coloring book. Crayons still carry the magic of childhood that only the smell of a box of those brightly colored sticks of wax can bring. But what I really want this holiday season is a box of my old memories.
Friday, December 11, 2009
On Willing Vs. Fueling:
I haven’t had any pictures on the blog since I got back because I was out of batteries for my camera. Even rechargeable batteries die.
Well, I finally got batteries yesterday and we have pictures again.
The dogs sleeping behind the woodstove in the early morning hours. (The bedding is not as close to the stove as it looks in the picture.)
Yes, it is down to budgeting. I got my new internet connection, but it costs more, therefore other things don’t get bought in a timely manor. And then there is the saving for the other things I need. We don’t buy on credit unless absolutely necessary. We never have.
Living on a limited budgets suck rocks and it doesn’t grow at the same pace as the cost of living. We are better off then some. We have a house that is paid for and wood in the shed for the woodstove. There are canned goods from the garden in the pantry, and other food bought on sale in the freezer. We are doing okay.
I wish there were extras again. I like having treats and extra to share with others. Parties and presents are smaller and fewer this year.
Last night, on the news, one of the Holiday Toy Collection Groups was begging for toys for the needy children. Apparently the amount of children needing toys has grown and the donations have greatly dwindled. This will leave some children without any toys this year unlike previous years where the kids in need got a few toys each.
I want to help out. But how do I give more then I already do, when I can’t even keep myself in working appliances or batteries.
I willingly buy used, still working things, instead of new. Not just because I’m frugal, but it leaves me with more to help others with. But this year it is harder to help like I want to. Not even the battery bunny can keep going forever.
Well, I finally got batteries yesterday and we have pictures again.
The dogs sleeping behind the woodstove in the early morning hours. (The bedding is not as close to the stove as it looks in the picture.)
Yes, it is down to budgeting. I got my new internet connection, but it costs more, therefore other things don’t get bought in a timely manor. And then there is the saving for the other things I need. We don’t buy on credit unless absolutely necessary. We never have.
Living on a limited budgets suck rocks and it doesn’t grow at the same pace as the cost of living. We are better off then some. We have a house that is paid for and wood in the shed for the woodstove. There are canned goods from the garden in the pantry, and other food bought on sale in the freezer. We are doing okay.
I wish there were extras again. I like having treats and extra to share with others. Parties and presents are smaller and fewer this year.
Last night, on the news, one of the Holiday Toy Collection Groups was begging for toys for the needy children. Apparently the amount of children needing toys has grown and the donations have greatly dwindled. This will leave some children without any toys this year unlike previous years where the kids in need got a few toys each.
I want to help out. But how do I give more then I already do, when I can’t even keep myself in working appliances or batteries.
I willingly buy used, still working things, instead of new. Not just because I’m frugal, but it leaves me with more to help others with. But this year it is harder to help like I want to. Not even the battery bunny can keep going forever.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
On Twilight Zone Experiences:
Well, the weather cooperated some what. That is to say it snowed all night leaving four inches of snow on top of what we had from the snow on Saturday. It drizzled all morning making the snow heavy, slippery and sloppy.
The wind took down a few trees here and there making areas of traffic a mess. That along with fender benders made the weather reporter at noon tell people again to say home if at all possible.
I had to go. I had missed my last appointment because of Lady Short dieing that day.
The streets were wet, but fine, while we were out in the afternoon. We made it to the doctor’s office in record time. There had been cancellations and I was called right in.
I don’t know if it was the relaxed schedule with less people around or the fact that I asked him how he was doing, but the doctor started talking to me like we were life long friends. Out poured his feelings on life, death, religion and ethics, people and books that got him thinking about said things and his wish to have more answers.
He went on for twenty minutes with me sitting on the exam table in one of those blue wraparound hospital gowns. Not that I didn’t enjoy the intelligent conversation because I did, but it was kind of odd just the same.
Once the exam finally started he just kept on talking. It was the strangest exam time I ever had. I wished, with all my heart, that we were having the conversation in a different setting and that we had the rest of the day to continue the subject and at the same time I was feeling, get this thing over with already, I’m half naked in this chemo smelly place.
My tests came back all good and I’m now off the meds that made my seizures worse. I feel good, but more because I was there for the doctor to let his feeling out, as he must have needed to do, then because of my test results. I’ll feel good about that later. Right now I’m just glad I could be the one to help the doctor remain sane in a place filled with cancer.
The wind took down a few trees here and there making areas of traffic a mess. That along with fender benders made the weather reporter at noon tell people again to say home if at all possible.
I had to go. I had missed my last appointment because of Lady Short dieing that day.
The streets were wet, but fine, while we were out in the afternoon. We made it to the doctor’s office in record time. There had been cancellations and I was called right in.
I don’t know if it was the relaxed schedule with less people around or the fact that I asked him how he was doing, but the doctor started talking to me like we were life long friends. Out poured his feelings on life, death, religion and ethics, people and books that got him thinking about said things and his wish to have more answers.
He went on for twenty minutes with me sitting on the exam table in one of those blue wraparound hospital gowns. Not that I didn’t enjoy the intelligent conversation because I did, but it was kind of odd just the same.
Once the exam finally started he just kept on talking. It was the strangest exam time I ever had. I wished, with all my heart, that we were having the conversation in a different setting and that we had the rest of the day to continue the subject and at the same time I was feeling, get this thing over with already, I’m half naked in this chemo smelly place.
My tests came back all good and I’m now off the meds that made my seizures worse. I feel good, but more because I was there for the doctor to let his feeling out, as he must have needed to do, then because of my test results. I’ll feel good about that later. Right now I’m just glad I could be the one to help the doctor remain sane in a place filled with cancer.
Labels:
My Life,
Observations
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
On Doctor Visits:
Yesterday was Sir Laidback turn and he has a ‘Systemic yeast infection’ and a ‘Greatly compromised immune system’ from the very bad flee problem he had before we got him. Special shampoo, pills and special diet, back to the Vet in two weeks.
Today is my turn. I have an appointment at the oncologist (or Cancer Doc). I’m on the six month tune up plan now with yearly tests. Three years out and I still hate the smell of the place. ‘Chemo smell’ I call it. I reeked of it when I was on chemo. Even the dogs didn’t want me around.
I love the people there for saving me for the big bad cancer monster, but I hate the wash of bad memories that rush back every time I go through their door.
Mixed emotions every time. Old faces and new everywhere I look, happy ones and sad defeated ones. We all look a bit older and wiser for the experience.
I don’t expect to find out any bad news. They will just check the oil and look under the hood and send me home again. But there is always that little doubt that says in my ear, ‘It happened once, it could happen again.’
I am taking care of myself better than I did back then. I have a new awareness of the things to look for in health, energy and behavior.
I go down my list. The things that told me something was wrong in my body, but I ignored until I found the dimpling lump in my right breast.
Tired? No more then I should be at my age. No more naps in the afternoon because I just can’t go on.
Hick-ups? Not more then once a year and definitely not the daily kind I did have back then.
Teeth? Doing well and not one cavity since I started treatment like the sudden five I got just prior to the diagnosis. Cancer can make your system go too acid and cause extra cavities.
Allergy attacks? Hardly ever when I’m careful of what I’m eating and getting into contact with. No more out of whack attacks.
Check, check and recheck! I’m good! At least I hope so…
We are having a winter storm at the moment, so I’m not even sure I’ll get there today. More tomorrow.
Today is my turn. I have an appointment at the oncologist (or Cancer Doc). I’m on the six month tune up plan now with yearly tests. Three years out and I still hate the smell of the place. ‘Chemo smell’ I call it. I reeked of it when I was on chemo. Even the dogs didn’t want me around.
I love the people there for saving me for the big bad cancer monster, but I hate the wash of bad memories that rush back every time I go through their door.
Mixed emotions every time. Old faces and new everywhere I look, happy ones and sad defeated ones. We all look a bit older and wiser for the experience.
I don’t expect to find out any bad news. They will just check the oil and look under the hood and send me home again. But there is always that little doubt that says in my ear, ‘It happened once, it could happen again.’
I am taking care of myself better than I did back then. I have a new awareness of the things to look for in health, energy and behavior.
I go down my list. The things that told me something was wrong in my body, but I ignored until I found the dimpling lump in my right breast.
Tired? No more then I should be at my age. No more naps in the afternoon because I just can’t go on.
Hick-ups? Not more then once a year and definitely not the daily kind I did have back then.
Teeth? Doing well and not one cavity since I started treatment like the sudden five I got just prior to the diagnosis. Cancer can make your system go too acid and cause extra cavities.
Allergy attacks? Hardly ever when I’m careful of what I’m eating and getting into contact with. No more out of whack attacks.
Check, check and recheck! I’m good! At least I hope so…
We are having a winter storm at the moment, so I’m not even sure I’ll get there today. More tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
On Caring for Sir Laidback the Dog:
Sir Laidback is heading to the Veterinarian today. His ears are itchy and so is his skin where the rash was and it smells like a yeast infection to me. I think he was on steroids before we got him because he is only five years old and has cataracts too.
I have trouble with people that do the easy thing like steroids for his allergies and don’t look out for the pets long term best interest.
Sir Laidback obviously had some training in manors and deportment. He has been around other dogs on a regular basis and walked on a leash every time he stepped out of the door.
He didn’t do some dog things as a matter of course. He acted more like a human then a dog when he first got here. These, of course, have been trained out of him. I know this to be true because Mountain Man had to re-train him to jump up on his chair to sit together and watch TV in the evenings and to walk out of the door without a leash on in the morning to have a quick pee in the yard. He now knows what it is to be cuddled and not just groomed and preened.
And Sir Laidback does like the new rules. It’s not like he has the run of the house. Its just a little more relaxed around here. He is starting to get this dog stuff. Running around and playing off leash, barking at will and sleeping on a dog pillow/beds just the right distance from the woodstove and not locked in a cage for the night in a cold corner. (The only place the cage fit without blocking a door.)
Not that any of that stuff is bad. But the cage thing isn’t comfortable when it is too far or too close to the heat and he couldn’t move to a better location.
Yes, we may have too many dog beds laying around, both closer and further to the woodstove. But the dogs can find the one that is most comfortable for the time of the night that is coldest or warmest for them.
We love our pets and want the best for them. But we expect them to be pets and not overly trained show dogs.
I have trouble with people that do the easy thing like steroids for his allergies and don’t look out for the pets long term best interest.
Sir Laidback obviously had some training in manors and deportment. He has been around other dogs on a regular basis and walked on a leash every time he stepped out of the door.
He didn’t do some dog things as a matter of course. He acted more like a human then a dog when he first got here. These, of course, have been trained out of him. I know this to be true because Mountain Man had to re-train him to jump up on his chair to sit together and watch TV in the evenings and to walk out of the door without a leash on in the morning to have a quick pee in the yard. He now knows what it is to be cuddled and not just groomed and preened.
And Sir Laidback does like the new rules. It’s not like he has the run of the house. Its just a little more relaxed around here. He is starting to get this dog stuff. Running around and playing off leash, barking at will and sleeping on a dog pillow/beds just the right distance from the woodstove and not locked in a cage for the night in a cold corner. (The only place the cage fit without blocking a door.)
Not that any of that stuff is bad. But the cage thing isn’t comfortable when it is too far or too close to the heat and he couldn’t move to a better location.
Yes, we may have too many dog beds laying around, both closer and further to the woodstove. But the dogs can find the one that is most comfortable for the time of the night that is coldest or warmest for them.
We love our pets and want the best for them. But we expect them to be pets and not overly trained show dogs.
Monday, December 7, 2009
On Puzzles and Games:
Today I got up a bit later then yesterday. I don’t get up at 4:30 every morning. I had been doing a jigsaw puzzle last night and it captured my attention again as I was folding laundry this morning and I could see some new puzzle piece placement from across the table.
Like all things puzzling, Puzzles seem to stick in the mind, at least they do for me. A piece of my mind still works on them even when I’m not in the same room. I dream puzzles and games, if not outright, they are part of the landscape or decoration of the room.
Like in Alice’s world down the rabbit hole or through the mirror. Puzzle books lay about. Games are set up in a corner of the room. Cards are found in the print of the wall paper. Numbers can be found in clouds or tree branches and game pieces stand in for bushes and pinnacles.
I don’t discriminate with puzzles. I like all kinds. Number, letter, spatial, jigsaw or pieces, color, I like them all. I have books of Mensa puzzles. I’ve seducu puzzled every time I came across them since the seventies when they were first invented. Cross word and jigsaw puzzles played an important part of my childhood.
As far as games go I’m a fan of video games. Not for any other reason then I never have to look for someone to play with. Mountain Man is not a games person. The Princess Daughter is not really a game person either. The Prince Charming (Son-in-law) played some Wii games with me and they (the kids and Mountain Man included) played Parcheesi with me when they came home for Thanksgiving.
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have puzzles and games to keep my mind busy. I do know I’d be a depressive type person. Maybe I should have been a real life Abby like in NCIS, but I’m me with my own type of life, and puzzles and games make me happy.
I may not have the cleanest house on the block but I think I’m the happiest. Puzzle/Game On!
Like all things puzzling, Puzzles seem to stick in the mind, at least they do for me. A piece of my mind still works on them even when I’m not in the same room. I dream puzzles and games, if not outright, they are part of the landscape or decoration of the room.
Like in Alice’s world down the rabbit hole or through the mirror. Puzzle books lay about. Games are set up in a corner of the room. Cards are found in the print of the wall paper. Numbers can be found in clouds or tree branches and game pieces stand in for bushes and pinnacles.
I don’t discriminate with puzzles. I like all kinds. Number, letter, spatial, jigsaw or pieces, color, I like them all. I have books of Mensa puzzles. I’ve seducu puzzled every time I came across them since the seventies when they were first invented. Cross word and jigsaw puzzles played an important part of my childhood.
As far as games go I’m a fan of video games. Not for any other reason then I never have to look for someone to play with. Mountain Man is not a games person. The Princess Daughter is not really a game person either. The Prince Charming (Son-in-law) played some Wii games with me and they (the kids and Mountain Man included) played Parcheesi with me when they came home for Thanksgiving.
I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have puzzles and games to keep my mind busy. I do know I’d be a depressive type person. Maybe I should have been a real life Abby like in NCIS, but I’m me with my own type of life, and puzzles and games make me happy.
I may not have the cleanest house on the block but I think I’m the happiest. Puzzle/Game On!
Labels:
Leakings From My Brain:,
My Life
Sunday, December 6, 2009
On Contemplating Snow:
Despite the hours I sat on the window seat watching the snow come down yesterday, I got up early and sat watching it lay still and pale in the moonlight this morning.
Yesterday I stopped to take a look at the snow coming down. ‘Only a moment.’ I told myself. Then, ‘Just let me get a cup of tea.’ I thought. ‘Put on some music. Wrap myself in a blanket. Grab some knitting.’
Ahh! But it was too late.
I had looked. I had sat down. I was hooked. And like a small child I watched the flakes float down and collect in my yard. They landed on the grass. The stone wall. The bushes and trees. Frosting! Fluffy white frosting!
I let my mind wander to its own fanciful tune. Sleigh bells, winter (not Christmas) songs played endlessly in my head until even they went away. Santa was not thought of, he was still too far away. I was in the moment. Riding a snowflake as it drifted on the almost nonexistent breeze.
A bird on the feeder, first one then another, would try to catch my attention. But the snow itself held me fast. I stopped thinking about the structure of the flakes themselves, the cold, the job of clearing the walk, snowballs and snowmen and forts. I just let go.
I was, like a two year old, seeing snow for the first time. Watching each flake bank in the breeze. Whorl in the wind. Come to rest ever so lightly with its friends.
Collecting, amassing, congregating, building. A quite blanket coating the familiar making it bright, fresh and new. The hours fled by and I sat watching the snow.
I was up at four thirty this morning and couldn’t resist just watching the stillness of the moonlit landscape outside my door. Trying to recapture the innocence of watching the snow come down outside my house again. Looking for the feeling of ‘not one speck of guilt for the things I wasn’t getting done.’ It didn’t come. Today I’m a grow-up again. Remembering sitting, not thinking or caring, and just watching snow.
Yesterday I stopped to take a look at the snow coming down. ‘Only a moment.’ I told myself. Then, ‘Just let me get a cup of tea.’ I thought. ‘Put on some music. Wrap myself in a blanket. Grab some knitting.’
Ahh! But it was too late.
I had looked. I had sat down. I was hooked. And like a small child I watched the flakes float down and collect in my yard. They landed on the grass. The stone wall. The bushes and trees. Frosting! Fluffy white frosting!
I let my mind wander to its own fanciful tune. Sleigh bells, winter (not Christmas) songs played endlessly in my head until even they went away. Santa was not thought of, he was still too far away. I was in the moment. Riding a snowflake as it drifted on the almost nonexistent breeze.
A bird on the feeder, first one then another, would try to catch my attention. But the snow itself held me fast. I stopped thinking about the structure of the flakes themselves, the cold, the job of clearing the walk, snowballs and snowmen and forts. I just let go.
I was, like a two year old, seeing snow for the first time. Watching each flake bank in the breeze. Whorl in the wind. Come to rest ever so lightly with its friends.
Collecting, amassing, congregating, building. A quite blanket coating the familiar making it bright, fresh and new. The hours fled by and I sat watching the snow.
I was up at four thirty this morning and couldn’t resist just watching the stillness of the moonlit landscape outside my door. Trying to recapture the innocence of watching the snow come down outside my house again. Looking for the feeling of ‘not one speck of guilt for the things I wasn’t getting done.’ It didn’t come. Today I’m a grow-up again. Remembering sitting, not thinking or caring, and just watching snow.
Labels:
Leakings From My Brain:,
My Life,
Observations
Saturday, December 5, 2009
On Just Broken Glass:
So, I was getting ready for the wedding, putting on my makeup, and I knocked over my makeup mirror. There it lay in pieces on the floor.
Is this the cause of all the negative luck I’ve been having of late with my computer and appliances? I have never believed in this broken mirror stuff before, but this was a magnifying mirror. And that could be the clincher. It just might have magnified the bad luck.
It is true that my mother believes I was born under a dark star. That bad luck has followed me all of my life. If I didn’t have bad luck I’d have no luck to call my own. I just don’t choose to look at it that way.
I have some good luck at times. Accidents happen to us all. I usually do have a good relationship with electronics though. Maybe it was my out and out animosity at Vista that changed things, but my Vista computer doesn’t like me. Rubert has taken to shocking me. No one else gets these zaps that leave red marks or even burns. I’ve had it checked out a number of times and no one else can find the short or feels the burn.
This last time, I got a burn on my finger and my temple too, zap/flash. Rubert has been unplugged and Gladys the notebook is my new best computer friend.
Now that I have high speed wireless internet service I can get on the web and have my phone too. Gladys may not be big and strong but she gets the job done. Rubert may need replacing along with the gas stove, the washer and the vacuum cleaner.
The mirror may have broken but I’m going to get new things to replace the old in this next year. I call that good luck if you ask me. And I didn’t even get cut cleaning up the broken glass.
Is this the cause of all the negative luck I’ve been having of late with my computer and appliances? I have never believed in this broken mirror stuff before, but this was a magnifying mirror. And that could be the clincher. It just might have magnified the bad luck.
It is true that my mother believes I was born under a dark star. That bad luck has followed me all of my life. If I didn’t have bad luck I’d have no luck to call my own. I just don’t choose to look at it that way.
I have some good luck at times. Accidents happen to us all. I usually do have a good relationship with electronics though. Maybe it was my out and out animosity at Vista that changed things, but my Vista computer doesn’t like me. Rubert has taken to shocking me. No one else gets these zaps that leave red marks or even burns. I’ve had it checked out a number of times and no one else can find the short or feels the burn.
This last time, I got a burn on my finger and my temple too, zap/flash. Rubert has been unplugged and Gladys the notebook is my new best computer friend.
Now that I have high speed wireless internet service I can get on the web and have my phone too. Gladys may not be big and strong but she gets the job done. Rubert may need replacing along with the gas stove, the washer and the vacuum cleaner.
The mirror may have broken but I’m going to get new things to replace the old in this next year. I call that good luck if you ask me. And I didn’t even get cut cleaning up the broken glass.
Labels:
Leakings From My Brain:,
My Life
Friday, December 4, 2009
On Visiting Friends on the Internet:
Well, I woke this morning with a case of eye strain from reading and answering over a hundred emails waiting for me in my in boxes. I still have a number of emails to return today then I’ll get into reading the blogs I have been missing all these weeks.
What was I doing while computer-less? Mostly I was playing video games on my Wii gaming system. I lost a few pounds, thank you very much, but even that wasn’t worth being locked out of daily info from my friends and family. I have discovered it was very lonely down the rabbit hole.
Halloween was a bust this year. Thanksgiving brought the newlyweds visiting my door. But the rest of the time I was fighting monsters and collecting gaming pits and pieces toward the various games ends. (Which, by the way, brought me further then ever before in said games. I‘m feeling like a real gamer now.) Exercise was also on the agenda. With a Wii in the house it was hard to avoid.
I am now five pounds lighter then I was for the wedding. I lost the weight I gained after the wedding and then some. A good thing, but only born of frustration. It was down to exercise or throw the computer up against the wall in unvarnished anger.
I anticipate gaining a few pound back with holiday eating and sitting on my butt for hours on end at the computer again. But life without communication with friends is too hard to even think about doing again any time soon.
I missed you all. From the drama to the wonderfully boring, everyday rhythm of life. I’m happy again, because I’m connected (and now I‘m upgraded to high speed too.) And, like the little sign I have taped onto the corner of my computer screen says, “I love my computer, because my friends live in it.” I’m glad that this computers window on the world is now open again and I’m back visiting with you.
What was I doing while computer-less? Mostly I was playing video games on my Wii gaming system. I lost a few pounds, thank you very much, but even that wasn’t worth being locked out of daily info from my friends and family. I have discovered it was very lonely down the rabbit hole.
Halloween was a bust this year. Thanksgiving brought the newlyweds visiting my door. But the rest of the time I was fighting monsters and collecting gaming pits and pieces toward the various games ends. (Which, by the way, brought me further then ever before in said games. I‘m feeling like a real gamer now.) Exercise was also on the agenda. With a Wii in the house it was hard to avoid.
I am now five pounds lighter then I was for the wedding. I lost the weight I gained after the wedding and then some. A good thing, but only born of frustration. It was down to exercise or throw the computer up against the wall in unvarnished anger.
I anticipate gaining a few pound back with holiday eating and sitting on my butt for hours on end at the computer again. But life without communication with friends is too hard to even think about doing again any time soon.
I missed you all. From the drama to the wonderfully boring, everyday rhythm of life. I’m happy again, because I’m connected (and now I‘m upgraded to high speed too.) And, like the little sign I have taped onto the corner of my computer screen says, “I love my computer, because my friends live in it.” I’m glad that this computers window on the world is now open again and I’m back visiting with you.
Labels:
My Life,
Observations
Thursday, December 3, 2009
On Falling into a Rabbit Hole:
Hello!
Any one still out there?
I had a few hiccups. I fell in the rabbit hole of computer and/or cash problems. My computer died and so did my gas stove. And as you could guess, long story short, I had to wait until the money was there to do anything about it. (Still low on cash since the wedding.)
If not for the wood stoves I wouldn't have anyway to cook but I'm back on the web with a bigger better internet provider to boot. I plan to blog daily again for a while.
I hope that all of you are doing good. I'm so sorry for the wait.
Sincerely, Lady Euphoria Deathwatch
Any one still out there?
I had a few hiccups. I fell in the rabbit hole of computer and/or cash problems. My computer died and so did my gas stove. And as you could guess, long story short, I had to wait until the money was there to do anything about it. (Still low on cash since the wedding.)
If not for the wood stoves I wouldn't have anyway to cook but I'm back on the web with a bigger better internet provider to boot. I plan to blog daily again for a while.
I hope that all of you are doing good. I'm so sorry for the wait.
Sincerely, Lady Euphoria Deathwatch
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