I need a support group for people who have miss laid things and can’t find them again, but can’t let it go.
Just before Thanksgiving, back in mid November to be more accurate, I took an important to me thing and moved it from one place to another ‘better place’ to keep it safe, but easy to get at, while cleaning for the up coming holidays.
This large, multi pocket, brown envelope that I have been keeping all the patterns I have been making for my dolls and all their clothing, plus the measurements for a lot of their other stuff, is no where to be found.
I franticly search day after day. I methodically look as I go about moving my belongings from one place to another in search for it. My husband is also looking.
I repeat this moving and looking daily, getting little else done.
This is 17 years of my work and math that I can no longer do since the chemo messed with my brain.
Without it the project stops dead. The books never see the light of day.
Dolls sit without faces or hair, naked and wanting. Windows and doors never get put into walls. They all collect dust until I die and my husband throws them out into the trash to make more room to actually live in our house again.
I have turned into a crazy woman who thinks of little else. It is just not here any longer. No matter how many times I look over, under, around, and in the things I own. The universe sucked it into a black hole away from me to make me crazy and it is working.
When I’m not looking I’m either depressed about it or franticly searching my brain for another place for it to be in even though I have looked everywhere to the point of moving all my furniture in my search.
I’ve found things I haven’t seen in years. Tossed things I don’t want any longer to make more room for the searching.
And the saddest thing is that I can’t, I’m not ready, or just won’t let it go. It is eating the soul right out of me. And I don’t turn my back on it.
I need help. Its not worth my life but for the past weeks it has been nothing but my life.
I’ve tried to walk away but find myself looking again and again in the places that I know for a fact that it is not. I’ve looked here, there and everywhere multiple times already. It is gone and I can’t let go.
If you can, please help me move on.